Thankful For In 2023

I'm back for my traditional (though inconsistent) Thanksgiving blog post. This year, we are excited about our second Thanksgiving married and our FIRST EVER holiday season spent at home, together, not during covid. :) When I came home from the ice show last year I knew I wanted to spend a full year at home before committing to another show contract. While I would definitely do one again, I will say I feel so grounded and good about stepping back for now. I feel like the whole world has opened up and I have so many new things I want to chase!

We are spending this Thanksgiving with my in-laws in New Jersey! I'm so excited about this cozy few days. This year, I'm particularly grateful for:

- A cozy holiday season at home. 

- All the amazing travel we've managed to do this year! Including trips out of the country (a first for me) not once but twice!

- So many weddings and fun friend events we got to take part in over the past year. 

- Some really incredible skating students, a work life that has really shaped into something I like, and lots of team coaching opportunities this season!

- Living in a great town that is a perfect fit for us. 

- Going back to school (again). 

- Having a really good reading year. 

- Watching all my baby cousins grow up and start really creating their lives this year. 

- Weekly phone calls with a friend. 

- Teaching myself to sew again!

- Morning dog walks together. 

- Having such a fun first year married. 

- Feeling myself settle into my adult self, my adult body, my adult vibe. 

- Knowing that there is so much to look forward to!

Wishing a great start to the holiday season to your whole family.

xoxo Gillian

Read Thankful For In: 2021, 2020, and 2015.

three little rituals in June

Coming off of a whirlwind week and heading into a busy weekend!! Just a quckie today. Here are some additional favorite rituals if you're interested.

Weekly Trader Joes Salad Kits & Youtube. Though with summer scheduling my life is slowing down a bit, this ritual saved my mental health. Chris works a regular overnight shift at the fire department each week. I used to feel lonely on those weeknights, often burnt out from working all weekend and just struggling to do my own routines and make a nice dinner without someone else prompting it. Once I let go of being "productive" or cooking something nice on those nights, everything got better. Now, I grab a salad kit from Trader Joe's on the way home from work, and eat the whole thing on the couch with a glass of wine while watching Youtube. It's the best night of the week. 

Google Calendar & A Notebook. While my Google calendar is how I live and breathe, I've also been using a notebook bullet journal style for a lot of planning. I wrote out a monthly spread, the have a page for each week. On each weekly spread I block of a section to put the days of the week and any large, unusual events on those days to visualize it, then I write lists of what I need to get done for the week. I have four categories: Career, Self, Relationships, and Habits. For me, this is the perfect combo of my love for paper planning plus the necessity of being too busy to not have a digital calendar!

Being religious about nightly chores. I am not the best at doing chores in a timely manner. But, as everything has been so busy this spring I've gotten really good at making sure the kitchen is at least closed for the night. If I have more time and energy, I like to sweep, wipe the counters, do all of the dishes, and tidy things up. If I'm moving fast or am low energy, though, I just make sure the dishwasher is running and prep the coffee for the morning. Waking up to just that makes such a huge difference in the start of the day! I've even been starting to finish those chores up before we go out if I think it's going to be a late night. 

Summer Fridays are basically holidays SO A VERY HAPPY FRIDAY TO YOU!! <3

What I've Read 6 Months Into 2023

Popping in for a quick little list of what I've read so far in 2023! My reading goals for the year were, simply, to read actual books more. For the past few years, I've read approximately 20 books a year with the vast majority being audiobooks. While I love an audiobook, I wanted to reconnect with the enjoyment of laying on the couch and cracking open a real, paper book. I also wanted to tackle longer books and get back to reading fiction. I'm a self-help junkie, and while I always will love a book like that, I'm on a quest to reconnect with my ability to do things for pleasure and reading more fiction ties into that. My third goal (that I've been woefully lax about) was to third at least 12 books of poetry. Right now I'm at two (but two more than last year!). Here's the list:

Fifty Days of Solitude by Doris Grumbach. This was shelved in poetry at my library even though it isn't really poetry, more like very literary, wandering mini essays. I loved it though! It's the kind of good reading you can't rush and was perfect for winter. 

Five Tuesdays in Winter by Lily King. I listened to this short story collection on audio and loved it. After every single story, I was sad it was over only to immediately get into the next story. Definitely a Lily King fan!

The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger. Another audio read I loved! One I'd recommend to anyone and am excited to return to in future years. 

The Electricity of Every Living Thing: One Woman's Walk with Asperger's by Katherine May. I loved Katherine May's Wintering and this first book of hers is also beautiful, especially as I navigate pursuing my ADHD diagnosis. 

Bargain Bin Rom-Com by Leena Norms. This is a proper poetry collection. I love Leena's Youtube channel and getting to read her writing in a different medium was so fun! Definitely love. 

Bad Vibes Only by Nora McInerny. A quick, fun read. Not my favorite of the year and honestly as an essay collection I think it could have dived a bit deeper, many things seemed surface level. But fun and worth a read!

Spare by Prince Harry. So weird to write the author name like that? Happy I read it, it was by far too long and I do have a lot of criticisms BUT this is a person's real story so like....I didn't read it for the literary value? I need to do a longer post about what I think but I loved Lenna's video, this podcast episode, as well as this essay by the ghostwriter to start. 

How To Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis. A great place to start and a valuable book! I'd recommend KC's podcast as well. 

Writer's and Lovers by Lily King. Lily King for the win! Her writing is just so immaculate and the characters just pull me right in. It reminded me a lot of Sue Miller's writing, so anyone who's into introspective, character-driven novels of with a throughline of women going through a life change? I can't get enough!

The Bandit Queens by Parini Shroff. Favorite read of the year I think! The plot, characters, and pace of this book were so quick and engaging that I could not stop reading it. I read it on vacation over like four days and it was amazing. Laugh out loud funny, while also working with extremely hard-hitting topics like racism, classism, and domestic violence. I haven't stopped thinking about it and will be rushing to read whatever Shroff writes next. 

Angelika Frankenstein Makes Her Match by Sally Thorne. Cute, steamy, funny....not the best writing by any means and if it was any longer I think the dialogue would have made me unable to finish, but a cute vacation read if you want something brainless with a great sex scene. 

My current reads: I am still plugging along through Middlemarch, and listening to the literary disco Middlemarch from 2020 alongside it. I'm also in the middle of A Better Man (Chief Inspector Gamache) by Louise Penny, How To Love by Thich Nhat Hanh, and A Radical Guide For Women with ADHD by Sari Solden. Also technically in the middle of The Incredible Journey of Plants by Stefano Mancuso, though I haven't picked that up in a while. I'm also listening to Trespasses by Louise Kennedy.

Once I work my way through at least a few more of those, I'm looking forward to picking of The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O'Farrell and Radically Content by Jamie Varon. What have you been reading?

are we still trying for this balance thing?

Tonight, I feel an odd mix of overwhelmed and content. I am excited and nervous for the coming busy workweek. I am proud of what I've accomplished as this work year wraps up, while also counting the hours until we're on a full summer schedule and my weekends truly open up. As the worlds top Chelsea Fagan fan, I know I've mentioned her Tik Tok on not being busy. Well--this is the follow up and I honestly love that one even more. 

At this point on the internet I feel like we understand that the quintessential "work-life balance" is not really an equation anyone has ever solved. Self-care lists are just that--more lists and to-do's and things to leave undone. It seldom feels like we have enough choices about our work lives, our circumstances, to be able to make the changes we need for life to feel more manageable. This spring when life was feeling overwhelming, the phrase I kept saying to myself was I need my life to be tenable. Tenable! Maintainable.

That is tonight's cosmic question into the void: how do we make our lives maintainable? I love working. While the go-go-go schedule of late nights and early mornings and weekends is a little much, I also know myself and know I wouldn't be happy at a more typical 9-5. I love variety in my days and weeks. I love the different seasons of my work. I love being both out of the house and in the house. I love having so much personal autonomy. I love that I am the one in charge. 

And: I hate that it feels like I'm the only one keeping things afloat. I often feel overwhelmed. I dislike driving as much as I feel like I have to and I wish that work was easier to turn off. It feels like I am putting out fires all day--and that's exhausting. I want to feel like I'm building. 

This coming week marks the last huge event of the season, and I'll be in Boston just about every day next week. After that, it's Saturdays off and once July hits, Sundays off! This summer I am planning to help myself reset. I want to make time to learn and invest in the future, not just cram my schedule so I get a larger short-time paycheck. I will be home a little earlier in the evenings. I am going to try to do summer Fridays and only work a half day. I want to do "low dopamine mornings" and try to really curb my scrolling habits. I am going to try, try, try, to really stay on task and intentional with work and then put it away when I'm done. 

To be clear, life is pretty amazing. I go on walks every day. I've read 8 books so far this year. I see friends every week, and am religious about deep cleaning the apartment once a week. We just got back from a vacation to Mexico--and the fact that this outpouring of overwhelm is happening after a week on a beach should be perspective giving, but alas, not quite. I just want to ask, how much happiness is appropriate? How much contentment is...realistic? 

But instead: I would love to ask the age-old question--how do people do it? What is everyone's secrets? Is there a way to clean your house, read, work, go to school, have friends, while not feeling overwhelmed? What is a normal level of overwhelm? Is this really just a reframe, or do I actually need to burn my life down and build something--softer?

A Trip To Iowa For A Family Graduation

Jotting down and scheduling this post ahead of time, as when it's published I'll be away on a lovely trip for a friend's wedding (plus a vacation we tacked on to the end of it). May is a busy, travel-filled month for us. Here's a recap of our recent trip to Iowa to attend my cousin's college graduation!

We arrived on a Wednesday morning around 1:30pm after flying into Des Moines. Even though Chris and I travel a decent amount, we don't typically fly together. Often, he's visiting me or we're meeting up somewhere! So it always feels like a treat when we actually are on the same flight and sit together. 

After landing, we picked up our rental car. For some reason getting a completely ridiculous but fun Ford Bronco off of Turo was the same price as renting something far more boring from the airport, so how could we not?

We spent the rest of the day meeting up with my cousin Ena and her boyfriend at Zombie Burger, then heading to my great Aunt Mary's house where we were going to stay for the weekend. We went for a walk, had a coffee run to Reading in Public (which was so cute), and then dinner at ice cream at home. 

The next morning, we had a slightly lazy morning before heading out to pick up my mom and aunt from the airport and then getting brunch as a big group at The Breakfast Club. After splitting up into a "nap" group and "explore" group, we headed out to the Des Moines Botanical Garden. My Aunt Mary volunteers there and it was so fun for her to show us around! After that we explored the Sculpture Park, before Chris and I stole away just the two of us for a happy hour drink at Exile Brewing. We followed that up with a coffee run to Smokey Row before taking a family drive about an hour south for dinner in my cousin's college town. 

Friday morning Chris and I went out for breakfast just the two of us to La Mie Bakery. The pastries were incredible! It was so hard to choose and honestly I wish I could have tried everything. We also ordered Cafe Au Laits which have been our go-to coffee order when we want something special but want it last longer than a latte. We picked up my mom and Aunt Mary for lunch at the local drugstore where I think every single customer knew Aunt Mary, and we each ordered a huge ice cream soda along with our sandwiches. 

This photo cracks me up.

The rest of Friday included resting up before heading back down to my cousin's college town to grocery shop for a family BBQ, check into a motel for the night, grab dinner with some other family, and then go out with a bunch of college kids. It was a good time! 

Saturday morning we woke up in town and had a much-needed greasy breakfast sandwich at Smokey Row while watching a downpour. We showed up early to graduation to save seats, then has a family BBQ while keeping an eye on a tornado watch. We even heard the tornado sirens going off a few towns over! A very midwestern moment. After a lovely day chilling with family and sitting outside, Chris, my cousin and I stopped at a tap room for a few last drinks before Chris and I drove back to Des Moines. Sunday morning we were up bright and early, on our flight, and sitting in our apartment by 1:30! 

All in all, a great few days with family and a wonderful little re-set while life at home and work was starting to feel chaotic. Looking forward to an even longer reset this week!

the right aesthetics

 

Tonight I am sitting in bed, stubbornly refusing to allow defeat on my Friday writing streak. Just three weeks ago, I decided that I missed writing and was re-committing to posting something on this blog every single Friday. I am sitting in bed, overtired, trying to make that happen. 

I didn't sleep enough last night, and my body is tired. My heart, though, feels almost unusually contented with the day. In my chest there is a distinct feeling of brimming. A persistent, if exhausted feeling of curiosity and the desire to mix things up and try something new. 

I've been feeling burnt out--a little crispy. Spring is a busy work season that comes on the heels of the other busy work seasons, winter and the holidays. Tomorrow is my last Saturday of the summer working (!) and I could not be happier. I am teaching my typical Saturday mornings schedule, and then there are shows at both skating clubs I primarily teach at. It'll be a busy day involving two rinks and essentially being on from 8am to at least 5pm. But when we are done--oh! I'm finding a cute restaurant with Chris and having a drink and releasing myself into a bit more languidness. 

Like seemingly the majority of younger-millennial women, my TikTok feed is filled with both *aesthetic* day in the life content and supposedly anti-aesthetic (bust still pretty cute...) lifestyle content. I eat it all up. I can't lie: I've been a lifestyle girlie from the beginning. When I first discovered blogs in late middle school, I would scroll to someone's first post and attempt to read the whole archive. In high school I wrote lengthy, existential emails to my favorite bloggers asking for advice that when boiled down came to: "how do I...live? Like, exist?" I do want to get ready with you. I do want to see what you eat in a day. I definitely want to see your 5-9 after your 9-5 and I love a dramatic anti-hustle culture audio over footage of your pretty productive day. I soak every bit of it in, and then I look around at my life and wonder how I could wrap this up in a bow. 

I think I have a more positive view on all this than most. I tend to believe most people are simply creative and trying their best; that people are just as authentic online as they are in real life (a place I've find to be surprisingly inauthentic) and that everything is fake and posed and filtered and we need to accept that and move on. But the piece that does strike a chord, is the desperation of everyone to find a little more light, space, and joy amidst a day of fitting into all of the boxes. 

A swipe of my thumb shows me younger and younger women buying flowers, making beautiful food, sitting on their apartment porches and reveling in the clink of ice against their metal straws. They pull their hair back and get to it, grinding through day jobs and side jobs while still pulling out their gratitude journals, taking a walk, making their beds. We can laugh at the pointlessness, the typical-ness, of a too-early morning routine that has you lighting the same candles as everybody else. We can wax poetic on how much of this we should believe, how they're too young to sound so war-worn and how maybe they would feel less overwhelmed if they put their phones down. 

Or--in a world that was built without their voices; after a girlhood where their preferences and dreams were trivialized, then commodified, then sexualized; after the lie of "doing the right things" leading to any stability--we can honor the bravery in showing up with bells on any way. This is a fight for survival, and we're refusing to even look ruffled. 

An Ambitious Life

Aunt Mary showing us the topiaries she cares for at the botanical gardens. 

This week, we are traveling with family in Iowa for my cousins college graduation. We are staying with my Great-Aunt Mary in Des Moines, about an hour north of where my cousin went to school. Aunt Mary is 83, bikes 10 miles a day "whether she needs it or not," volunteers at the botanical garden and has stories from travels all over the world. Her and her husband had a great relationship, and lived together in their cute little cottage complete with a potting shed. Aunt Mary worked full time up to a few years ago, when she felt she was too busy with her hobbies and volunteering to continue working full time. She's been a widow for 20 years, and while she clearly misses her husband--and talks about him often--she has also led a vibrant life filled with international trips with friends, birthday lunches, and so many hobbies. 

I've been thinking about ambition often. I've talked about how it feels like we are in the beginning of a whole new season. At times, I have felt lost with what I want work to look like and found it hard to claim anything I want in the future other than a vague sense of *vibes.* But there are so many ways to lead an ambitious life, and certainly, so much more to living well than having a big job. 

As we enter this new season, I want to take myself seriously enough to pursue my work as a proper career, to set myself up in a situation that will allow me to do work that is meaningful and fulfilling and fits into the rest of my life. In doing so, however, I want to acknowledge the rest of my life. I want to put energy into decorating a cute apartment, starting our marriage off on the right foot, taking time to foster our friendships and to figure out our new roles in our families. I want to plan fun vacations and spend our free time exploring the places we'll live. I want to have go-to coffee shop orders that feel fun and whimsical, and read books while curled up on the couch in the summer. 

My cousin, Ena, is graduating college. To oversimplify it, she is at a threshold of getting to make so many decisions about how the rest of her life will turn out. Move home? Go somewhere else? Which job to take? The meaner part of my spirit can be jealous of that clear, fresh start. I didn't leave home to go to college, I didn't have a clear first day at my new grown-up job, and I often feel behind because I never had a clear starting line. But I can give that fresh start to myself. At any moment, I can decide that we're moving, we're mixing things, we're changing our lives and upending everything to run faster towards the lives we desire. Lives that involved work but also lots and lots of play. 

In so many ways it feels like my Aunt Mary defies ageing. She is fun and comfortable, she has a great sense of humor, she still has new experiences and still has new thoughts at 80. She marvels at the world. I want that in my future, but I also want that today.