Wednesday, December 31, 2014

new year's eve


I've got a half hour, guys.

You deserve so much more than that. But, I would feel wrong if I didn't post something today. What I'm about to write is going to be nonsensical...and random...and probably won't create the point I'm wanting to make. But it's New Years Eve. And I'm emotional. Cuz this time of year really, really gets to me.

Looking back, I couldn't pick a single mood, or word, or feeling for 2014. There were a lot of tangible, fantastic things that happened, like landing an axel, going on first dates, passing skating tests, getting a job. But this year I've also felt lonely. I've fought with my best friends. I've sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I've stared at my phone, waiting for a text back. I've felt lost. I've felt the need to reach out and physically grab people, so they won't leave, but didn't, because that would probably be a bit too weird.

This time of year has always made me sad. Even when I was little, I'd feel off Christmas through New Years. I never really understood why. Wasn't I happy? And blessed? With family, and friends, and food, and presents? Who was I to be unhappy?

But, if 2014 has taught me one thing, it's that even when we're really happy, we can be a little bit sad. And that's okay. In fact, it's necessary.

Because we have to feel sad, to realize how happy we are.
We have to know someone who has less, to realize how much we have.
We have to feel inadequate, to work hard enough to be great.
We have to almost loose someone, to realize how much we want them.
And we have to open ourselves up, sometimes even to the wrong people, to find the good ones.

I have no idea what 2015 is going to be like. For the very first time in my life, I can't guess what I'll be doing this time next year. But I know I want to make it bold. And authentic. And that it will be messy, and possibly heartbreaking, but also probably full of laughs with the best people and roadtrips and the energy that surrounds people who love what they do, and go at life with passion.

I hope you have a great night. I hope you have a great year. I hope you feel smart and wanted and drink really good coffee. I hope you realize what you want, and you create some awesome stuff. I hope you kiss the best dang person on the face of this earth. And I hope you never miss a chance to love someone.

Happy New Year's Eve, guys. xoxo