September Ambitions

 

Though my to-do list overfloweth, this Tuesday has led me to a quiet night alone in our apartment, a sleepy dog that for once isn't threatening the neighbors, and a very large pour of wine because the bottle wasn't full enough to justify leaving it for another night. I've set my timer and allotted myself thirty minutes to indulge my blogging self for a bit. It's been a while! This marks my eighth post in all of 2022, and we find ourselves in the very beginning of September (though my calendar already says the 13th. weird). But a September feeling is certainly in the air...I'm starting to crave baking and cozy nights in, the only recently bought six-packs have all been pumpkin themed, and we find ourselves buckling down with a renewed focus to just get things done. 

Specifically, Chris and I are now panic-planning the last details of our wedding, which is now a whopping 3.5 weeks away. I have a lot to say about planning a wedding, chiefly that I am excited,  I've never been more ashamed of my procrastinator tendencies, this is going to be a hell of a party, I will certainly never do something like this ever again, and I cannot wait to get to the day and be wearing my awesome shoes and surrounded by friends and drinking a butternut squash martini and BE MARRIED!

The rest of this year is gearing up to be a whirlwind. Wedding weekend leads us into two weeks of road tripping for our honeymoon. Two days after we get home I fly out to an ice show through the rest of the year! Busy, busy, busy, but all I want to do right now is soak every single moment in. This year has gone by so fast and I just want to keep treasuring and holding all these moments. 

Here are some of my September ambitions (and some bonus for the rest of the year). 

>> Workout every single day before the wedding! Because otherwise I will go completely insane. We're dealing with things as they come up and making sure we're going in with some clarity. 

>> Not running around for work, but instead focusing my time and attention on my core skaters. I want to make sure I leave everyone for a bit with goals checked off, strong programs choreographed, sub coaches updated, and everyone feeling good. 

>> Walk into the week of the wedding with the most organized set of spreadsheets, week of timeline, and wedding binder I can manage. I've been a hot mess through most of this but we're going to nail that. 

>> Send out Christmas cards! I love Christmas cards and sending out our first Christmas cards as a married couple is something I am looking forward to literally so much. Can't wait. 

>> Make the best scrapbook of our honeymoon!

>> Read so many library books!

>> Soak up every single moment with family, friends, and Chris over these hectic weeks.

Intentional Living: Less Aesthetic, and More Mess

#1: A fun, special weekend breakfast at home. Fun brunch vibes!

(Sharing this post along with some more fun ways I've been trying to "live intentionally" this summer).

A perpetual theme in my thinking, Youtube watching, journaling, and existential crisis-ing is my deep desire to be living an intentional life. 

So much of life feels completely chaotic, and this year for me personally has been the most chaotic yet. In many ways, though, I'm incredibly grateful that this string of unfortunate events took place this year. For the first time in my entire life, I feel more equipped to handle it. Chris and I are stable, and good. We have strong friendships. We're both relatively comfortable at work, and have control over our work lives. We've started to feel like real adults, and with that our capacity to deal with challenges has grown larger. 

Moving in with Chris was a milestone in my life for many reasons, but one of the most challenging aspects of it at the time was what a strong break it marked between me living my life the way I wanted to, and me living in a way that my upbringing expected. Growing up in not just a conservative Christian household, but also a fundamentalist-leaning homeschooling community, moving in with a boyfriend carried the weight of not just a life change but of moral failure. At the time, I was still doing my best to be a good Christian and form my life in that way. While I didn't believe moving in together was wrong, I also spent a lot of my emotional energy coming up with ways to defend myself. 

#2: Always having fresh flowers (once a bouquet starts to die, I pull the ones that still look good and make these mini bouquets).

While we hadn't tried to hide it (and actually, had explicitly told our close church friends before we moved in together), a pandemic meant that it took six months before most of the people in my home church "knew." A lot of people were upset. We received heartbroken texts, and went to dinner with one couple who told us everything we were doing wrong. Fast forward a year, and we were engaged and starting to plan a wedding. We reached out to a church I had been to get married, and received a double sided pdf in response. The letter held many bullet points (and interestingly, only one bible verse) and demanded an apology from me. It stung. I felt abandoned and alone by a church family I had tried for a really long time to please. 

These scenarios, which all occurred within a year and a half of each other, were monumental shifts for me. They marked the first time in my life where I chose myself--my needs, wants, and desires--over the life that has being handed to me and expected of me. I grew up with a lot of expectations around me, as well as a lot of black and white thinking over what the "right" way to be was. Even when these expectations didn't seem to fit me (and to be honest, they often didn't), I tried my best to change myself for them rather than finding a different way. I did this as a kid of course, but I also did it as an adult...for way too long. 

#3: Cooking with both smaller portions of meat, as well as less days where we eat meat. This veggie stir fry has been a go-to this summer! Cheap, cleans out the fridge, and doesn't heat up the apartment. :)

The past few years have felt like crash-landing into an adult life where I actually have options. It's been exhausting, and to be honest, a little traumatizing. But while the last two years haven't exactly looked like a That Girl video waxing poetic abut the importance of routines, I can't imagine a way I could have lived these years more intentionally. In all the mess, this season of life meant me finally getting real about what kind of future I wanted. It was about me challenging old beliefs, and standing up to people and systems I had previously believed it a sin to question. For the first time in life, this season I embraced change and discovering new ways of looking at the world. We don't talk to talk about the mess, but I think the mess has way more to do with "living authentically" then we care to admit. 

Perhaps our views on living intentionally need to shift. Perhaps it's less morning routines and fruit infused water and more hard conversations, setting boundaries, and challenging yourself in therapy. Maybe living intentionally is making scary, annoying, and even mundane choices. I love an aesthetic "Sunday Reset" vlog as much as the next person (and honestly, maybe more), but we all must realize deep down that changing your sheets don't actually change your life. The most important stuff isn't the pretty stuff. 

As we've worked through everything the past few years, I have felt a lot of grief, a lot of anger, and a lot of disappointment. I've realized my self-esteem was based largely on what others think of me (a pretty unstable foundation). I have felt the inclination to hide from family, to hide from the world, just to avoid getting rejected. Carrying all of this has felt so heavy. 

#4: Taking a second to CHILL. I've been trying to be very aware about my energy lately, and turns out, after running around out in public for a few hours I am STRESSED and need to sit on the bed or the couch, have a fun drink, and just zone out or else my brain becomes mush. 

As the waves seem to settle, and a new season emerges, I'm preparing to feel a lot more satisfaction in this life we are living. We are only two months away from getting married! We are all moved in to our new apartment. Bear is behaving significantly better than he used to. We have fantastic friends that have stuck by us through all the sticky parts. And we're ready to live with a lot more JOY. 

Because it's a huge gift to get the chance to build a life. Though it feels like I'm starting from scratch, it's a gift to have a fresh start and to get to explore all the ways I could be. The world is truly brand new: are we sleeping in on Sundays or going for a run? Happy hours with friends or brunches at home? Beer or wine on a Friday night? Trash tv or curled up with a book? Where do we get the news? When do we read the news? How do we budget? Who are our friends? What are we valuing in the world, when we aren't told what to value? How are we showing up for our communities, when we aren't told who to show up for? What do I think and want, when I finally get to tune out decades of other voices?

#5: Going on way more fun, little adventures that remind us we are ALIVE and DOING THINGS! Bonus points if they include friends, and double bonus points if they include something local we haven't done before (this was a Portland Sea Dogs game!).

I'm excited to find out. I suppose if I had to have a quarter life crisis, I'm grateful for where this one led me. Here's to continued question asking, intention setting, deep thinking, and a lot more spontaneous fun in the next 3/4 of my life. 

big thoughts about community and living a real life (& photos from Burlington, VT)

 

Jesus. This spring. 

Work has been great but literally so busy. I am only beginning to pull myself out of a very intense feeling of overwhelm...the kind of overwhelm where you have 300 unread emails and have to write down "text so and so back" to force yourself to do so. I have a ridiculous stack of random sticky notes and long lists that I've been carrying around with me from room to room, just attempting to make some sense of everything. It's not really worked! But we're getting there. And then....all the mess of the world this week. I don't have words for tragedy like this, but I also know not acknowledging it is worse. I don't know what to do about it, but I do know that we as a community must be less stagnant and passive about every important issue we face. Plenty of people who know more than me have pulled together great resource lists; Cup of Jo is a good one. 

In our own families and households and friend groups and neighborhoods, we must all be more engaged and more human. More supportive. More caring. More discerning. More ready to take on the work of large changes, and more consistent with our practice of small changes. In this moment, I want to work on: being a better family member, specifically an "aunt" to Chris' very little cousin and a supporter of my own younger cousins; a more generous community member with my time and attention; being a more empathetic observer of my neighbor's lives; and more willing to sit with the news, research, and develop opinions about changes. 

Even before this week, I've been thinking a lot about how I want to be careful not to disconnect from the world. Even the grief, even the pain: I want to bear witness to all, to feel the range of the human experience. One of the parts of our upcoming move we are most excited about is being back in town. Our current apartment is a perfectly nice, white-walled unit in a duplex. There is a neatly paved driveway filled with cars. There are fine, quiet neighbors. Someone cuts the grass every Friday. The whole town uses the exact same trash and recycling bins. We live in a cul-de-sac, with many nice, quiet houses. We don't know the neighbors...sometimes we pass someone when we walk the dog, but no one knows (or cares) who we are. When we first moved here, we were excited for more space. Isn't that what we're always searching for? The picket fence? The privacy? But as our move approaches, I am most excited for getting back to the messiness of buildings crammed together. I want to wake up to slammed doors late at night and loud, happy drunk voices in the street. I want to walk by people smoking on their front steps and past piles of free junk on the side of the road. I want to notice people working odd hours, and staying up too late on Tuesdays. I want to to see people existing outside of the apathetic suburbia molds. I want to feel the energy of the first really warm weekend and the quiet of misty Monday mornings. I want the hustle of digging everyone out after a snow storm and the ability to say "let's grab a drink" without grabbing the car keys. 

The truth is as much as I'd love a yard for kids and the ability to plant gardens wherever I pleased, the joy and community I really want to belong to doesn't seem to be here. I want to be throwing elbows with the people fighting for parking spaces and not taking tomorrow for granted. My people are the baristas and bartenders and artists that still hold onto their 9-5's, not the guy who's sat at the same desk for 30 years and thinks we could buy a house if only we stopped spending all our money on coffee.

My childhood was isolated. At times I loved it, and at times it felt wrong. There's a lot of gray area to be found between the good and the bad of a homeschooled, conservative Christian upbringing, and I was certainly firmly rooted in the gray. The one thing I always felt, though, was utterly disconnected to the world around me. My lack of trend following and pop culture knowledge was praised by adults, and scorned by peers. I took a lot of pride in not liking what everybody else seemed to. But I also felt a lot of shame for having no grasp on what "real life" felt like. Real life is what everyone else was living; I was caught aloof and uninvolved, like I was watching a goofy sitcom where the outcome didn't matter to me. Whatever my childhood was, it wasn't living. 

As an adult, I often still feel behind. The difference now, though, is that I can choose to be more connected instead of continuing to hide away. I can choose to not just talk about compassion, joy, being thoughtful, being neighborly, but to really act in that way. To shape my own life into the way I want the world to feel. There is much to be done on a macro level enable us to live as more whole communities. But the pieces we can really control are the small things, that take place inside our own kitchens and churches and bars and front steps. I want to take this move as a chance to be putting that work first.

All of these pictures are from our quick trip up to Burlington, VT in mid-May. Chris drove up from NJ, and I came up from NH. We got an Air Bnb downtown for two nights. It was a ridiculously hot weekend--in the 90's!--but we had so much fun walking around, going to our favorite used bookstore, and trying new sandwich and coffee places. We got to see my best friend and her boyfriend for a quick visit, and tried a very cool new-to-us restaurant called Poco which was so small, intimate, beautiful, and delicious. Our main reason for coming up was actually to get to see Sal Vulcano's show! I had bought Chris tickets back at Christmas and it ended up getting postponed, but we finally got to see him! So fun. This was our first time being in Burlington when it wasn't freezing cold, and we loved it. 

10 Things On A Tuesday in May

 1). Last we chatted, we were in the middle of utterly horrible chaos. To be fair, we are still certainly in the midst. Last Thursday, though, I rushed to my third apartment showing (and just another of many that Chris has dutifully reached out to) and somehow, within hours we had a lease sitting in our inboxes. 20 minutes later we signed it. Yay! WOW. Jesus, what a relief. We can move in 6/1. Chris is currently still living in NJ with Bear. We still need to get out from under this apartment. But it now feels like there is a way to move forward. 

2). This had been on my mind pre-crisis, but I've been thinking a lot about "Main Character Energy." A pretty nebulous topic, but in my head it consists of mornings spent reading and sunlit porches, a great pair of shoes and a bowl of garlic noodles, fun late nights with friends and early mornings spent running or thinking and just being. The photo above is a screen shot of my "Main Character Energy Spring '22" saved collection on Instagram. It has croissants from Joy the Baker (the queen of main character energy), a woman talking about relaxing on her porch after work, colorful framed art prints, a getaway cabin, and lots of talk of romanticizing your life. I'm ready for a change. 

3). The only thing I don't like about this new apartment is that there is no outdoor space. We don't have a porch (or even our own staircase), no little spot to throw outdoor plants. I currently have a bunch of pansies outside as well as two peppers and two tomato plants. I'm thinking I will keep a pansie or two, and my veggies and put them in our one assigned parking spot and just park behind them? That's not crazy right?

4). To be fair there are other things I'm upset about: the cabinets are dark. It's in Dover, which will be so close to friends (fun!) but add a lot of time to my commute (sucky!). This house feels like a pretty basic apartment to me....none of the cute little cubbies or corners like some of the historical Portsmouth apartments I'd been looking at. But I realize I am being so picky!! It will be great. 

5). Before we signed, our working plan had been to put all of our stuff in storage and then live in a motel or with my parents until we were able to find a place. So, I've been putting a lot of energy into purging everything we own. We are both pack rats; like it's bad. We have way too much stuff. And even though now we have a place, it will be smaller and we won't have as much storage space and I just don't want to feel crowded. I want to feel light! So I'm staying committed to getting rid of as much as possible. Those are two completely different purging questions: what can I move into the new space? And would I pay to store this somewhere? I'm loving the resolve that the second question is offering.  

6). Connected to purging is my rediscovered passion for Buy Nothing groups. Honestly, Buy Nothing groups are probably the most pure and wonderful place on the internet, and certainly on Facebook. So far, I've gotten rid of: a few baby gates from when Bear was a puppy, a board game, a giant beer making kit we had gotten for Christmas, some old records we don't listen to, a bag of art supplies I don't like anymore, at least 20 books, and a bag of random old pots and containers for someone to make an outdoor music board for their kid! How fun is that?!

7). Outside of all this home chaos, work has actually been going really well. I am choreographing a few ensembles right now: two of my Artistry classes are each doing a number in their club show, we've started rehearsals for our first ever American Ice Theatre of NH Junior Company piece, and then I'm doing a very cute little Learn to Skate number for my group class. Busy busy! And so so fun. I should do a works in progress post soon. 

8). With spring I've been fantasizing about a lot of the making I want to do. Here's my recipe list as it stands right now: ham and cheese croissants from Joy the Baker, chocolate orange and cream cheese pound cake from Joy the Baker (maybe for Mother's Day gifts?), these wraps from Budget Bytes (I'm picturing lots of dinners in the park at our new apartment, to replace our porch-sits), fish from Dinner A Love Story (I'm scared to cook anything other than chicken or ground beef so trying to get better), and lots of cocktails that use Aperol. On the non-kitchen side, I am planning to finally start this cross stitch kit from Elise Joy. I'm also dreaming of some sort of flower a day/one picture a day cross stitch to mark our first year married, and making a t-shirt quilt beach blanket from some old sentimental shirts. 

9). For Christmas, I had gotten Chris tickets to see Sal Valcano when he was performing in Burlington, VT this winter. The weekend he was supposed to be there we had a snowstorm, so we still went to VT to see friends but his show got rescheduled to May. With all this moving stress, and finals, and so much work, and the fact that we're living in different states, I wasn't sure if we'd be able to go. But I think we need a break, so we're going for it. We booked an AirBnB for next Thursday and Friday night. Maybe Chris can board Bear in NJ and then meet me up there? Unsure of the details. But this is much needed; I'm excited!

10). Books of the moment: just finished listening to This Is The Story of A Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett on audiobook. Loved it. My goal for May is to read my second paper book of the year and I'm planning to restart The Incredible Journey of Plants by Stefano Mancuso. Shows of the moment: Chris and I had been watching Inventing Anna on Netflix, and I'm planning to start Dairy Girls soon. I continue to watch every single piece of content The Financial Diet puts out. Listens of the moment: Elise Joy's podcast is back and I've been finding this season very grounding and inspiring!

That's the update friends! I'm reminding myself that life is short: even if we are lucky, we still only get about 4,000 weeks to careen through our lives. Even in the midst of the upsetting, turbulent times, I want to remember to not waste a week by forgetting the moments of joy, meaning, fun, and connection. Spring is here, and we're moving forward!

Is Adult Life Just Complete And Utter Chaos?

 

My heart is pounding, I unwisely poured myself a second cup of coffee, my shoulders haven't relaxed since Monday, and I am racing with nervous energy that simultaneously shouts "do all the things NOW!!" and "just stare at the wall and dissociate for a bit."

We're in a bit of a family crisis at the moment. Our dog, Bear, got out of the house Monday afternoon and bit our next door neighbor. He is okay, thankfully--bruised and broke skin, but everything was surface level and there shouldn't be any long term issues. Chris brought him to the emergency room immediately afterwards to get checked out. We emailed our landlords and told them about the situation the second we got the neighbor home. That night they let us know that Bear is no longer welcome here, and we had three days to get him off the property. 

We are not getting evicted...Bear just isn't allowed to live her any more. Which makes complete sense. I cannot describe how utterly shitty it feels to be the neighbor with the problem dog. We both feel so ashamed. And so upset. And very overwhelmed by how to move forward. Our neighbor has been literally too kind to us, considering. We're grateful for him. And we're grateful for landlords who are also not kicking us out. That gives us some flexibility. 

Monday night was horrible and I rage cried for hours. I called my friend, and my mom. Tuesday morning I grieved a little but overall felt way more clear-headed. I was unfocused all day and then stayed up until 1:30am writing an 8-page research paper that I had, of course, procrastinated on (here's a lesson I probably won't learn: don't procrastinate because emergencies happen and surprise!! you still can't drop any balls!!). Wednesday we made a thousand plans for a thousand different scenarios, and let ourselves just chill and spend time together. Today (Thursday) we went on one last of our perfect, family coffee walks and then Chris left for New Jersey with Bear. He'll stay there with his parents for at least two weeks, while we make more of a game plan and explore some options. Today I will finish this blog post, work out, eat real meals, and go to work. 

A bookshelf Chris just finished. 

The plan right now is not to rehome Bear. He's still young (he's just two), and in my heart of hearts I do feel like there is room to make progress and work towards making him less reactive. Rehoming him in this moment seems irresponsible--like we are just walking away from our problems and putting him in a stressful situation that likely will result in him getting more aggressive. So we need to try. Of course, this mostly hinges on us being able to find another living situation. We have to be upfront with new possible landlords, and it's scary to feel like no one will want us with Bear's history. I don't know what we will do if we can't find a place to live, but we 're going to give us some time to search before we worry about that. If we are able to move, we will be able to break our lease once a new tenant is found for our current apartment. It will just be continuing to pay rent until the next renter can start (which is pretty generous given that our lease continues until August). 

I am scared about the increased training we will need to undertake with Bear, to ensure that we can be good owners to him for the future. I'm scared we won't be able to handle it, or that it won't work and we'll still have to consider getting rid of him. I honestly do not think my heart could take getting rid of him. I've been very slow to get used to owning a dog, but now that we are two years in I really would be heart broken without him and I don't want to do that. Still, I worry about what this means our future lives will look like: what will happen when we have kids? Will we ever be able to have friends over, throw parties? 

I am very sad to be leaving this apartment. I really love it here. I love the space, I love the location. I love that it's clean. I love that we have laundry in the basement. I love that it feels like a real home. I love that it's the place I started to feel really grounded in my grown up rhythms: clean sheets every Sunday, the weekly meal plan stuck to the fridge, extra bedding stored for guests in the closets, long walks with Chris and Bear every morning and afternoon. We were really coming into our own here. I was loving this season of life. 

I was looking forward to a lot in this home: I just bought pansies and tomato plants to cover the porches in summer-fueled life. Chris' parents were supposed to visit in two weeks, and I was scheming last-minute decorating projects before they saw the place for the first time. I wanted to host a Mother's Day Lunch, and a Memorial Day cookout. Chris just finished a bookshelf he designed himself, to fit exactly under the big living room window. I have a pile of frames waiting to be hung above our bed. 

Chaotic Easter snaps. 

This past weekend was Easter, and it was such a good one. I was utterly blissed out. In the morning we walked Bear and then made a special Easter brunch for the two of us: mimosas, french press cafe au laits, cinnamon rolls, and fruit salad. I made appetizers and homemade rolls to bring to my parents for a big family lunch. We talked about how this was really the first holiday since we've moved in together where everything felt so right: we didn't overcommit, but also set aside time for fun holiday things; there was no tension with my parents; we weren't stressed about Bear. It felt like we were finally figuring out what our adult lives could look like.

And instead, and instead, and instead. What a shitty turn of events. 

We can only focus on what we can control, and right now that is: being proactive about looking for places. Being honest with friends and family and asking for help. Being on top of our finances so we're prepared for whatever needs to happen. Taking care of ourselves. Honestly though, part of me wants to just burn it all down: go full send and just move to New Orleans, or just bop from Air BnB to Air Bnb and see the country. Sneak away to a new city and live in a tight, sunny little loft. I think you only get one shot to really burn down your life and start over; maybe this could be it?

This feels like the start of a formative moment; a challenge that will shape us. I'm proud to say we feel really together and are each proud of how the other is handling things. Maybe in a few years we'll look back and this will just be a crazy, chaotic adventure. It sucks right now though. 

Is this just what adulthood is? Continuous, utter chaos?

baking & making in january

 Even with being back to full-time coaching, starting the semester, and generally readjusting to life at home, January still managed to hold lots of creative kitchen time. I love cooking and baking. I love the actual act of making food, I love the meaning we derive from food, but I also love the care aspect of food. Nothing makes me feel more capable than when there's a fridge full of good leftovers for lunch, or dinner in the slow cooker ready to go after a late night of coaching. I love the coziness of it all; it's a hug to my little family and a hug to myself. Anyway, here's what I've been making:

The weekend we got home from FL, I made this pie from last year's Joy the Baker holiday magazine to bring to my parent's for family Christmas. Her recipe calls for pears; I used apples instead. Someone remind me next year to buy all the cranberries and keep them in the freezer, it's really not fair that they're only out for the holidays. She uses tapioca granules in this recipe and it lends such a cool flavor and texture. 

The same night we got home (after that horrible drive) I made this creamy chicken stew from Budget Bytes. We are a Budget Bytes home....I make at least one of her recipes every week. This was perfect, comforting, and exactly the welcome home we needed. Will definitely make again soon. 

On a random Tuesday afternoon before heading to the rink, I made two quiches. Quiches are probably my favorite thing to make ahead for dinner. I baked both in the afternoon, the pie shaped one was for dinner that night and then the square one went in the freezer. This quiche managed to be the most like my mom's: lots of bacon, frozen spinach, and cheddar. 

Cut to what I'm most proud of....this Irish Soda Bread!! I used this recipe from Joy the Baker, but omitted her feta and olives and opted for traditional raisins instead. It baked off so well and I was soooo impressed! It's such a quick and easy bread, and to be honest in my mind it feels versatile enough to make on the regular? Maybe a little heavy, but I'm debating starting to make more of our own bread and I think something like this would be on regular rotation. I'm in love, clearly. 

Another thing we've made almost every three days so far has been applesauce!!! This is probably my favorite winter make. We make it in the Instant Pot and roughly use this recipe, but the amounts change every time and I'm convinced you can't ruin it. It has no added sugar, just apples and cinnamon. We eat the applesauce hot on it's own, with oatmeal, and on yogurt and cottage cheese. We've even been using it to substitute eggs in baking. I've got Chris hooked on it. 

Full disclosure: I didn't make this cornbread (Chris did) and I obvi didn't grow the grapefruit. But! I have rediscovered eating grapefruit for breakfast, with just a sprinkle of brown sugar. And grilled cornbread muffins with jam win every. single. time.

And okay, one make of the non-kitchen variety. I'm still working (slowly, and definitely not diligently) on the cross-stitch kit I got from Elise Joy. I LOVE it, the kit is so well put together and fun. It's a Christmas scene of trees and other decor on shelves, and I bought her next one in the series "Flowers on Shelves" as well. Once I finish this tree, I think I'm going to put this away until next holiday season, and start working on the flowers one. Overall I am loving cross-stitch! This may be a craft happy I actually keep up with. 

Other things keeping me creating this month have been work and the wedding! I am running an artistry movement class at a local figure skating club and loving it. It's 30-minutes a week of whatever I want to do; we've been doing lots of edge class style stuff, learning combos, and learning different forms of energy. I'm also choreographing a short program for Colonial FSC's Theater on Ice team which has been a literal dream come true. I'm loving it and can't wait to show you! The wedding is also taking a lot of creative energy, but I've been enjoying it overall. I'll save details for another post. :)

A large part of my goals for 2022 were centered around tending to myself as a whole person, including my creative self. And to properly "tend" that creative self, it's not just about doing the thing, it's about practicing the thing. I am trying to channel more experimental playtime into my every day: taking time on the ice to experiment, letting myself make bad first drafts, just starting, trying new hobbies, doing things I'm bad at. This is where we learn!!

Happy Friday! xoxo

About Last Week, 6 & 7: where we almost get stuck in VA

 Missed last week's post, so a lot to catch up to today. Getting back to being home has somehow been both quiet and hectic. Grateful, though, to be home and snuggling in for the winter.

Monday, 1-3-22.

This particular Monday morning we woke up bright and early in my hotel room in Orlando. The show closed the night before, and we set off straight away for home. We stopped in Richmond, VA, for the night. It was snowing out! There honestly wasn't a ton of snow, but the roads were really bad maintained and everyone was all over the road. Most of the bars and restaurants were closed early, but we wound up at a burger and beer place that had really fun trivia. We were completely annihilated. After being so cooped up due to protect the cast from more covid exposures, it felt good to be out and about for a little date night. This was one of those nights where I felt so young, and free, and happy to be out in the world.

Tuesday, 1-4-22

The next morning had us up and at 'em again. The night before, we had heard about conditions on 95 being so bad that the highway shut down. Crazy, we thought! The next morning we got up and jumped on 95 right away, because surely 12 hours later it would be taken care of? Wrong. Almost immediately we were in stand-still traffic from the night before. Cars had been stuck on 95, in the freezing cold, over night. We were very close to an ambulance turn-around, and Chris took it and got us off the highway. Thank goodness for that...we would have been stuck all day. 

The rest of the day was a lot of really sketchy driving, eating "car tuna melts" (crackers, cheese, and tuna packets), making fun of VA drivers, and generally just accepting that we were going to be stuck in VA. It took us 14 hours to get from Richmond to NJ. We ended up staying the night with Chris' parents there. A crazy day!

Wednesday, 1-5-22

Wednesday got us home! It rained all day, and I drove the rest of the way from NJ to NH (7ish hours) while Chris worked. We got home and after unpacking the car, Chris went to grab Bear! I ambitiously made chicken stew for dinner. We snuggled and ate food in our own kitchen, watched TV and went to bed early. A truly fantastic end to a stressful roadtrip. 

Thursday, 1-6-22

A true delight to come home to was that Chris had decorated before he came down to FL! Felt so cozy. I honestly spent most of the day doing nothing; I was so so tired! But I also cleaned and unpacked, and then Chris and I exchanged the rest of our Christmas presents at night. We had held back on bringing gifts to FL because it was just too much to pack, so it was fun to finally have our own little Christmas. Chris loved his new apron and has been putting it on if he so much as stands in the kitchen. 

Friday, 1-7-22

Friday I attempted to catch-up on some work stuff, got my nails done for the first time in my entire life, and made a pie for family Christmas with my parents! That night, after wading through freshly fallen snow I climbed into the passenger seat of Chris' car. I was wearing my big black coat. There were Christmas presents in the back of the car. And I had a still-warm pie, wrapped in a towel, on my lap. You know those moments when you convince yourself you are actually you parents? That was one of them for me. 

Saturday, 1-8-22

Saturday was my first day back to work coaching AND WE ALSO GOT OUR ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS TAKEN!!!!!! We lucked out on the snow and the whole day in general. I'll definitely be sharing more soon, I cannot get enough! We used Blue Locket Photography. 

Sunday, 1-9-22

A cold cold day! Morning walk with Bear, then just some chores before heading out to teach Theater on Ice. Chris worked that night so it was just me and Bear. 

Monday, 1-10-22

No pictures and I couldn't tell you much of what I did. Time at home. Putting Christmas decor away. Starting lessons at a local after school program!

Tuesday, 1-11-22

Got to see a lot of my private students again! A real highlight of the day was making these quiches though. I made them around lunch so that when dinner came, everything was done!

Wednesday, 1-12-22

Other than teaching hockey in the evening, I didn't do a whole lot. Tuesday night ended up being kind of *emotional* so I slept in, Chris brought me coffee and breakfast in bed, and I read my book for 40 minutes before starting my day. A God-send of a re-set, honestly. 

Thursday, 1-13-22

Thursday night I actually skated in a little show with Ice Dance International! Just a small holiday party at a local outdoor rink. We skated a trio-piece that I had done last year, so when the girl who skated this year couldn't make it they asked me to step in. It turned out to be a fantastic night of skating and then catching up with friends over drinks. A great time. 

Friday, 1-14-22

On Friday night we met up with a friend of ours for happy hour drinks, and then Chris and I went to a UNH hockey game. I'd actually never been before, and we had a really great time. It made weirdly nostalgic for college...which is weird, since I've never been. Not in the typical college experience way, anyways. But it made me sort of sad that 18 year-old Gillian hadn't thought a little harder about whether or not she wanted to go to a 4-year school right away. Looking back, it would have been fun. 

Saturday, 1-15-22

Saturday I coached and got some wedding things done, but most importantly I made this incredible Irish Soda Bread. Can't believe I'd never made it before! I am fully addicted now and prepared to make it every week until I die. 

Sunday, 1-16-22

Sunday was a back-to-normal full coaching day. A music-filled drive. A hot shower. Seinfeld with breakfast. Good chats over dinner. Flannel sheets on the bed. 

Whew. Looking back, what a good two weeks. So so full. But also fun, and with lots of quiet moments and friend moments. More of that. More of all those real things that make up a life. 

Hope your current week is off to a good start. <3

About Last Week #5

 This ALW is coming to you from somewhere on I-95 in Georgia, on our way home from SeaWorld! Last night was closing night of Winter Wonderland on Ice, and today we are on our way home. To be honest, I am sad to no longer be doing an ice show but am also extremely happy to be home for a bit. I miss Bear! And my local friends. And my kitchen, and my normal daily rhythm. This contract (my sixth!) really showed me that I am excited and ready to do more shows, but I am also happy to get to spend at least a few more months at home before running off to the circus again. 

MONDAY, 12.27.21

Monday morning I picked up Chris from the bus station. He had spent Christmas down in Ft. Lauderdale (I got to visit for a fast 12 hours Christmas Eve through Christmas morning!) with family, and then he took the bus up to Orlando to me. We stopped by Trader Joe's for some essentials and then spent the rest of the day organizing and prepping some food before we both headed into the park for the show. We actually had to go in early for a fast re-block last minute, so to be honest the night was fun but a little stressy. This was his first time seeing the show this whole contract!

TUESDAY, 12.28.21

Tuesday was another pretty chill day. We had a covid scare in the cast so we all essentially hunkered down and didn't socialize much outside of the show for the rest of the week. I'm actually pretty happy Chris was able to be here, otherwise this would have been a pretty lonely and even more sad time. We did so well this whole contract! It was sad to be dealing wit covid issues right at the end.

WEDNESDAY, 12.29.21

Covid tests were actually pretty hard to find in FL. We spent 4.5 hours Wednesday morning waiting at a drive-up testing site for a rapid. Even with the long wait though, the place was really efficient and well run. Just lots of people waiting too! We got our results emailed by the time we got back to the hotel and we were both negative. Definitely a big relief. Chris' parents came up from Ft. Lauderdale, and they got to see the shows that night and hang in the park for a few hours. 

THURSDAY, 12.30.21

After a slow morning in the hotel to ourselves we got into the park early with Chris' parents, around 12:30. We spent the day seeing all the animals and riding Atlantis (a must!), and just look at that baby manatee! So sweet. I love how they almost hold onto the rocks with their little flippers. Then off I went to work and they got to see the shows that night!

FRIDAY, 12.31.21

Friday was New Year's Eve, which is honestly a pretty eventful day at WWOI. First off, we do three shows instead of two, and the last one ends right before midnight when they do a countdown and fireworks right after the show. Plus, NYE means glitter shows! Each show we add a new layer of glitter. Plus, last minute some of my second cousins were able to come and I am so glad they got to enjoy the park on such a high-energy day!

Most of my cast mates at their significant others and partners at the show, and it was so fun having a little wives club out in the audience. Some night highlights were: running through the park last minute to buy everyone pretzels so they didn't have to leave their seats, getting to go out for photos with my cousins, running out for opening positions of the midnight show and watching a cast-mate have an epic fall in the dark haha, turning around to see everyone with crazy Christmas lights in the audience, and getting to have a New Year's kiss with Chris in my skates, right outside of the tunnel. A fantastic day, all around. 

SATURDAY 1.1.21

Saturday was a quiet day....everyone was still tired after NYE and we were still dealing with covid stuff. Chris and I bopped into the park (fully masked and sanitized, even with our negative tests) early to see the dolphin show, but otherwise it was just a workday. Hard to see in this photo but the way I pouf my hair for the show really shows off the little gray streak I'm starting to get!

SUNDAY 1.2.21

Sunday we closed! A busy day of packing, lots of bittersweet goodbyes, a walrus stuffed animal from Chris, and a bloopers video showing afterwards at the hotel. Then a late bedtime and up early to get back home...phew. Another contract in the books!

There were lots of special moments in this cast and with this show, but for right now I am excited to be heading back home and heading into the new year with lots of fresh starts. This week I'll share more thoughts from the year, and also a wrap up and photo dump from this show. Lots of thoughts to share! In the meantime, hope everyone's first Monday of 2022 is off to a great start. :)