One the greatest joys of adulthood has to be finding your own rhythms and rituals. Look at me! A person out in the world deciding my own preferences. The absolute pleasure of identity-making (or at least identity exploring?). Here are some of my favorite rituals over the past month:
A favorite walking route. Most mornings, Chris and I take Bear for his morning walk together. While we have favorite routes we take often, Chris especially tends to mix things up each time. On days when Chris is out of the house for work, though, I have one favorite route that I always take Bear on for a solo morning walk. We go past my favorite garden house where we stop to drink from the dog bowl and see what's starting to grow, then past what I've decided is our future house to admire the porch. We go down a short stretch of a paved walking trail, then loop back past my friends house. Finally, we go past some flowering apple trees and a house with chickens. The perfect morning loop.
The quietest Friday nights. Currently, weekends have been jam-packed with my regular coaching work, plus shows and rehearsal schedules for both the company I skate on and the company I direct. This has led to Fridays being one of our chill-est nights. While I often go to happy hour on Wednesdays only to stumble back at 10pm, on Fridays, I get home from work and find Chris already starting dinner (often from the vegetarian cookbook we're working through). We chat together while one of us takes lead finishing dinner, have a drink, then curl up with our comfort food in the living room. We usually only watch one episode of something (recently: Beef, now: Ted Lasso and whenever the Bruins are playing). Then I shower, we clean up, we talk, read a little, and go to bed early.
A reading break from the world. Spring is a busy season for work, and I've been working hard to ensure that I keep myself grounded and happy even while running around. I'm proud to say it's been a little better this year. One of my new year's resolutions was to stop working when I get home at the end of the day, and I've stuck to that. I've now also started to add in some reading upon walking in the door some days. Ideally, it's a beautifully sunny day. The sun is still out. I grab a beer, then curl up on the couch for 20 or 30-minutes with a book. Sometimes, Chris joins with his own book or a video game. Ultimate reset.
Even with being back to full-time coaching, starting the semester, and generally readjusting to life at home, January still managed to hold lots of creative kitchen time. I love cooking and baking. I love the actual act of making food, I love the meaning we derive from food, but I also love the care aspect of food. Nothing makes me feel more capable than when there's a fridge full of good leftovers for lunch, or dinner in the slow cooker ready to go after a late night of coaching. I love the coziness of it all; it's a hug to my little family and a hug to myself. Anyway, here's what I've been making:
The weekend we got home from FL, I made this pie from last year's Joy the Baker holiday magazine to bring to my parent's for family Christmas. Her recipe calls for pears; I used apples instead. Someone remind me next year to buy all the cranberries and keep them in the freezer, it's really not fair that they're only out for the holidays. She uses tapioca granules in this recipe and it lends such a cool flavor and texture.
The same night we got home (after that horrible drive) I made this creamy chicken stew from Budget Bytes. We are a Budget Bytes home....I make at least one of her recipes every week. This was perfect, comforting, and exactly the welcome home we needed. Will definitely make again soon.
On a random Tuesday afternoon before heading to the rink, I made two quiches. Quiches are probably my favorite thing to make ahead for dinner. I baked both in the afternoon, the pie shaped one was for dinner that night and then the square one went in the freezer. This quiche managed to be the most like my mom's: lots of bacon, frozen spinach, and cheddar.
Cut to what I'm most proud of....this Irish Soda Bread!! I used this recipe from Joy the Baker, but omitted her feta and olives and opted for traditional raisins instead. It baked off so well and I was soooo impressed! It's such a quick and easy bread, and to be honest in my mind it feels versatile enough to make on the regular? Maybe a little heavy, but I'm debating starting to make more of our own bread and I think something like this would be on regular rotation. I'm in love, clearly.
Another thing we've made almost every three days so far has been applesauce!!! This is probably my favorite winter make. We make it in the Instant Pot and roughly use this recipe, but the amounts change every time and I'm convinced you can't ruin it. It has no added sugar, just apples and cinnamon. We eat the applesauce hot on it's own, with oatmeal, and on yogurt and cottage cheese. We've even been using it to substitute eggs in baking. I've got Chris hooked on it.
Full disclosure: I didn't make this cornbread (Chris did) and I obvi didn't grow the grapefruit. But! I have rediscovered eating grapefruit for breakfast, with just a sprinkle of brown sugar. And grilled cornbread muffins with jam win every. single. time.
And okay, one make of the non-kitchen variety. I'm still working (slowly, and definitely not diligently) on the cross-stitch kit I got from Elise Joy. I LOVE it, the kit is so well put together and fun. It's a Christmas scene of trees and other decor on shelves, and I bought her next one in the series "Flowers on Shelves" as well. Once I finish this tree, I think I'm going to put this away until next holiday season, and start working on the flowers one. Overall I am loving cross-stitch! This may be a craft happy I actually keep up with.
Other things keeping me creating this month have been work and the wedding! I am running an artistry movement class at a local figure skating club and loving it. It's 30-minutes a week of whatever I want to do; we've been doing lots of edge class style stuff, learning combos, and learning different forms of energy. I'm also choreographing a short program for Colonial FSC's Theater on Ice team which has been a literal dream come true. I'm loving it and can't wait to show you! The wedding is also taking a lot of creative energy, but I've been enjoying it overall. I'll save details for another post. :)
A large part of my goals for 2022 were centered around tending to myself as a whole person, including my creative self. And to properly "tend" that creative self, it's not just about doing the thing, it's about practicing the thing. I am trying to channel more experimental playtime into my every day: taking time on the ice to experiment, letting myself make bad first drafts, just starting, trying new hobbies, doing things I'm bad at. This is where we learn!!
I am currently sitting in my hotel room in Orlando, FL. Last weekend we opened up shows at Sea World Orlando, and tonight (a Friday night) we started a long run of shows for Thanksgiving week. I am curled up on the couch: freshly showered, eating scrambled eggs for dinner, with my second (large) glass of wine beside me. For whatever reason, the scene is very You've Got Mail to me. I always feel that way when I'm here doing shows at Sea World. Maybe it's the fact that I spend a decent amount of time alone? All those single lady vibes? Or maybe it's the holidays (You've Got Mail is a holiday movie, in my mind. It just is).
Anyways. I am here. I am struggling to stay on top of school. I am loving every second of the show. I've been shopping almost exclusively at Trader Joes. And, I've been met with equal parts desperation to do more and skate more and push myself to develop more, and disgust at my own work and my own skating.
Yes, disgust. That is a horrible thing to say! But there it is. I get frustrated on ensemble ice. I doubt my abilities constantly. I second guess myself. I don't believe any compliments. I get so, so down on myself. And I recognize it as useless, and dumb. But somehow I just can't stop.
On some fundamental level I'm ashamed of my skating. Ashamed I never got to train "properly," ashamed that I never got to reach a higher level of skating. I worry that others perceive me as a very bad skater. I feel like everything I know how to do is just...boring? And bad?
Of course, on a logical level I know that really, not that many figure skaters exist in the world. And the percentage of figure skaters that go on to do shows is pretty low. That the number of skaters that get hired to do shows is also low, and that therefore I can't be the worst (otherwise, I wouldn't have a job!). And yet, the demons of doubt come creeping in. I'm sick of them.
All of that to say: it's exhausting to feel that way about your art, when all you want to do is go out and make art. I have not even afforded myself the luxury of thinking I could do anything else. At the end of the day, the only thing I can really do is skate and teach and make things and write. That is all I can do, and all that I want to do. So, I must settle at being mediocre at it.
Or: I could do the hard work of starting to acknowledge that I might possibly be good at something. That there might, somehow, in this very world, be room for my energy, ideas, expression, skill level, self. The hard work of acknowledging that there are certainly thousands of things I'm not good at, but also thousand of things I'm so good at I don't even notice. And that while working hard and improving and striving is so important, I can also allow myself to--STOP!--breathe, breathe, breath--and know that I am capable and worthy and deserving of it all.
So the challenge this week is the asking. The asking of others to give me opportunities. The asking of myself, to believe that those could happen and then to believe that I could be really good at them. My being is restless...it's time to start making and creating and doing, and not waiting.
Monday night after work, my mom and I drove 10 minutes from our house and took a brisk, 1 hour hike that led us up and around 3 small peaks. It was the kind of evening that reminds me that no matter how badly I want to travel and move and experience different places, NH will always be my home. The fact that, with no more tools than my own two feet, I can trek through dense forests and out on craggy hilltops, my imagination calling the elevated fields the moors of England, is incredible to me. It was post-work at 5 o'clock on a Monday night, after what had been a 'not horrible but definitely meh' day. And there I was, having the kind of beautiful experience I keep stored in the back of my mind under 'bucket lists'.
The thing is, there is nothing magical about 5pm on a Monday. As a current day-job holder, it's tempting to call it the least magical time of the week. But the truth is, we can't spend our days waiting for the magical moments and perfect situations. They don't really exist. Instead, we need to be able to look at our lives with clear eyes and actively pursue the work, people, situations, and interests that will add the most joy.
I occasionally listen to Gretchen Rubin's podcast 'Happier', and I've been ruminating on a point she made a couple of months back (I've searched for the episode, but I can't remember exactly which one it was). Rubin was talking about her family's long, drawn-out decision to get their dog Barnaby. As newbie-dog owners, they were reading everything they could get their hands on about dogs and training, the pros and the cons. Living in NYC, there was no question that choosing to get a dog would mean a substantial life change; but would it be worth it? Sure, having a pet ads a lot of joy to life, but would the extra hassle outweigh the newly-added joy?
Upon reflecting, Rubin thought, "choose to live the bigger life." Spoiler alert: they got the dog, and they are so happy they did. Yes, training is hard. Yes, having a dog in an apartment is hard. Yes, he's added an extra responsibility to their already-full plates. But alongside all of that, he's also made their lives bigger. He's made playtime more boundless, their bonds a little deeper. Turns out, adding complexity can quite often also mean we're adding depth.
"Choose to live the bigger life" has not been absent from my mind since the day I first heard it. It spurs me on to stop playing small, and instead explore the outer reaches of my capability. What would happen if I tried for the better job? Started that side project? Started talking to my friend-crush? Asked someone out? Took that new class? Everything that is great, and exciting, and ultimately soul-filling, is on the the other side of an active choice to do something. Even the simple things.
I've also discovered that living the bigger life does not always mean living the more Insta-worthy, crazy-solo-trekking-across-Europe-life, either (unless, of course, it does). Living the bigger life is choosing not to be satisfied with the same-old, same-old, that leaves you peevish and annoyed instead of happy. You can live your bigger life by starting your freelance gig on the side. Or playing pickup hockey. Or running a 5K. Or having a kid. Or going to see your friend's play. Or turning off the TV and reading really great books. It can also mean taking a job in a different state, going back to school, saving for an adventurous vacation, or working for yourself. My guess is, that for you, living your biggest life involves a mixture of crazy, toe-crinkling adventures, and some ridiculously pleasant hum-drum experiences. The sweet spot is in the balance.
Last Monday, work was boring. I was tired. It was 5 o'clock, and I'd eaten a decent amount of chocolate already. I wanted to lay on the couch and watch Friends, but probably would have ended up attempting to be 'productive', and ultimately scrolling my phone. But instead, I got pushed out of the house and on a hike that has no joke, changed my entire week. It gave me time to catch up with my mom. It helped me re-calibrate after a busy weekend. It gave me time, and respite, to now look out at the rest of my week and know that I've been able to spend time doing exactly what 'dream Gillian' would be doing.
I will always stand by the opinion that we have significantly more power over our lives than we think we do. No matter your situation, you're in charge of what you make of it. I don't want to look back in 20 years and think that I settled or cowered in a corner when life came and offered things that were exciting (and terrifying). Even on Mondays, I can check that I'm doing my best. Trying my best. Pursuing that bigger, more satisfied, more authentic life.
Last November, I got a random Instagram DM from a guy I grew up with. Caleb Chamberlain, who was part of the same local homeschool community as me, is a photographer/filmmaker now, and working on the creative team at a local branch of Next Level Church. We met for coffee, and he explained that he wanted to create a video countdown, centered around a figure skating program, to use during before the worship team came out at NLC's Christmas services. He had reached out to find out if I would be interested in choreographing/performing it.
I was interested right away (because all you have to do to get my attention is say 'skating'), but I also knew that this was a big undertaking for just one person. So, I told Caleb I would, if I could bring one of my friends on board. And with that, I'd roped one of my closest friends and TOI teammates, Katherine Vitaro into it (don't worry, she was elated).
This is what we came up with:
The filming and editing are great, Caleb and his team did a great job and were fun to work with. We filmed it pretty late at night in a local rink, and watching them set up (and fly a drone!) was so much fun, and a great experience.
It's been almost 3 months since this project was completed, but I took my time writing this because I didn't know what I wanted to say. It's taken a long time for me to sort out my feelings on this one. I have moments where I'm really proud of what we did, and then others where I'm disappointed. Now that I have this footage, I wish I could take some white-out and a sharpie to a couple of places.
I do not consider myself a choreographer. At all. I love artistic skating, and I think I'm good at performing, but I don't think of myself as someone's who's great at choreography. My experience comes from one choreo competition, a handful of Christmas show numbers, and putting together programs for a couple of Learn to Skate students. Part of why I was so interested in this was the fact that it would be challenging: and it was!
This isn't about ripping apart the work that Kat and I did. We completed something! Something we'd never done before! That is an achievement. But, I do have some thoughts on what I'll do differently next time:
01: I will think through logistics much earlier, and much more thoroughly. Kat and I live 2 hours away from each other. We both have two jobs. Giving up ice that I use for my personal practice is hard, and something I don't really like doing. Next time there's a project like this, I'm going to be a lot more realistic with how long it will take, and identify definite times to work on it BEFORE accepting. Of course doing fun projects requires some long days and late nights! But a lot of stress could have been avoided if I'd pre-planned better. 02: I will have better communication with the rest of the team, and a have a process for evaluating first drafts. I think what we choreographed would have looked much better from the stands than it necessarily does in the video. Having never done anything like this, it was really hard to picture exactly how they were going to film it. I wish that I'd been more responsible about asking questions, and had thought to maybe do some pre-shoots or something, so we could both get a feel for how the other was going to handle their end of the project.
03: I would use smaller movements, instead of trying to cover so much ice. Again: our stadium-skater brains took over on this one. I think it would have looked much better on film if we had used more sustained movements that took up less space, than powering around the rink in traditional skater fashion.
04: I would have more movements featuring us together. Watching it now, this is what I want more of.
05: I'd do something about my hands. Sometimes I get these weird scarecrow hands. Personal pet peeve. I need to work on fixing them.
06: I would have asked to be part of the selection of what clips were used. I think it's very hard for a non-skater to pick out the same moments a skater would. There are definitely some mistakes and hesitations that I personally would have replaced with other clips of the same section, but I think it's hard to see all of that when you're a non-skater working without a skating vocabulary. This could be totally out of line, but I think it would have helped.
BUT. There are some things here I'd definitely do again:
01: Try something new. I am happy we tackled this project because I never would have learned the six things above without it. This is the creative life: you're inspired, you try, you don't like it, but next time you try, it will probably go better. Fingers crossed, anyways. 02: Don't give up on it. Kat and I hit many walls with this project. Both of us fell victim to being uninspired, stuck, and having lots of doubts. Luckily, we felt this way at different times, and could help pull each other out of it. I'm happy we stuck it out, even while not always liking what we were coming up with.
03: Try to give an unstructured prompt a very specific story. We were told to skate to Carol of the Bells. That was it. With so much room, the first thing we did was agree on some sort of storyline. While it may not be obvious to a viewer, it anchored what we were trying to do. I think this was really helpful to us both.
I just finished reading Jenna Fischer's new book The Actor's Life. I LOVED it, and think every person wanting to live a creative life should read it. In it, she talked about the importance of showing up and doing the work. Of course we all want to be perfect, or at the very least good. But that isn't realistic every single day. Instead of always aiming for perfection, we need to aim to challenge ourselves, try new things, and approach everything with a growth mindset.
There are many things I would change about this project, but I am looking forward to taking all of that to the next thing, instead of ruminating on this one any longer. There is work to be done.
It was a silly decision to decide to quit the blog. It just was.
After posting here that I quit, I tried to start the email newsletter I'd promised. The first one was fun to write, because it was about 2017 TOI Nationals and a re-cap of our season, but after that I just kept coming up dry. There was so much going on, and I had so many thoughts, but when I sat down to write, nothing would come out in a relevant way.
As I kept poking at it, I realized that I hated that no one would be able to scroll through old newsletters in an organized way. The best part of blogging, at least circa 2011 when blogging was still so personal and authentic, was discovering someone new and just getting lost in their archives. When I found Casey's Elegant Musings (now Casey Maura!) I spent an entire snowed-in Sunday afternoon reading every single outfit post she'd ever written, and then proceeded to dig all the way back to her first post of all time and attempt to read it in chronological order. A few years later, when I started following Carly from The College Prepster (she was still in college when I first found her!) she became my morning coffee. I would wake up and immediately read what she'd written, and then, as I finished up my second cup, get lost clicking through her related posts. Even now, whenever I start to feel a creative rut coming on, I pour through Elise Joy's 'creativity', 'motivation', and lately, 'knitting' tags.
So many people who never got into blogging like to smash it in with the rest of the social media train wreck, but those of us who've found our own spaces here know it's just not the same. Each of the three women I talked about above really shaped and represented a phase of my growing up. As I worked through new things and discovered more of who I was, I sought out their voices because they represented what I was striving to be. Casey showed me how to be myself, even the contradicting parts of myself, when I was an awkward 13 year-old that related every real-life situation to an I LoveLucy episode and perpetually felt out of place. I turned to Carly when I was wrapping up high school, and she let met indulge my to-do lists, random ideas, and overbearing, Type A tendencies. And then, just when I was positive Blogland had turned into a lifeless dessert, Elise sparked the creative juices, self-reflection, and fierce independence that full-time retail had started to beat out of me.
Once I officially was done with the blog, I really started to miss it. The months before, I had started to feel out of place here. Like I'd outgrown it and somehow lost my voice along the way. But without this platform, I realized I'd gotten rid of my voice all together. I tried journaling, but without the structure, and the editing, and the desire to make some sort of point, I found myself doing a lot more complaining and worrying than real, productive, restorative writing. At some point, I actually started a brand new blog. But the new space didn't fix my problems. I didn't want to abandon all the story I'd already written.
So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to come back. I've changed the design (it's super ugly right now and will definitely change again), and wrote a new about page. At work, I wrote out a list of post ideas. I decided I really had outgrown 'young yankee lady'; so I changed the URL. I wish I'd realized in June that what I needed was a face-lift, not a whole new space.
I am excited to be back, as I've really missed sharing snippets of my life and pulling together a mass of work that, if no one else, I enjoy reading through. I think we have to keep writing, and writing well. The romantic part of me believes that blogging is our last intelligent, personal narrative. If we don't write letters, or journal, what are people going to publish in 100 years? Anthologies of Instagram posts? *shudders*
And if nothing else, it's exciting to have somewhere to ramble incessantly like this (and let's be real: a place to use words like incessantly. That doesn't happen often).
Thanks for reading, guys! It feels good to be back!
I am having a fantastic year! There's been a lot of growing going on and I feel like I'm starting a new chapter. For a while, I've felt this good old blog winding down, but I didn't want to acknowledge it.
There. I said it. After 5 years in this cozy web space, I'm officially leaving Young Yankee Lady behind.
The past 6 months have been pretty great. I finished up the school year at my new-ish job as a special ed para, and really loved it. I ended up working 1 on 1, and I found it so fulfilling! While I've decided that this isn't going to be my career, it's the perfect place for me right now. For the summer I'm working at summer school, and (hopefully) have a few side things, as well.
Skating wise, I've switched coaches and clubs which is a huge change. I also went to Knoxville ProSkaters again, competed at Nation's Cup with my team, and we became the 2017 National Theater on Ice Silver Medalists this past weekend! We are so excited!
This year, though, has led to a lot of questioning. There were situations that led me to really think about what I wanted from life, longterm, and there were multiple times I considered changing tracks and going a more traditional route. The fact is, life is scary. And it's hard to keep the faith when the path isn't clear, and it's hard to ask people to love you and want you when you can't, in any detail, talk about the future.
Dramatic? Probably. But at any rate, I've done a lot of questioning that almost tempted me to give up on some dreams and move to something 'practical'. Thankfully, though, I decided that that was crazy and what the pit in my stomach wanted, not my heart.
But I also decided that if I'm going to go for THIS (this being a creative, skating filled life where I'm actively making new things), then I'm going to GO FOR IT. No more holding back, no more excuses, just lots and lots of work and willpower. While I've said this over and over again, I'm ready to act on it. I'm not going to lie about my goals anymore. I'm not going to hold back. Can you imagine if I missed an opportunity because my fear led me to hold back? That would be heartbreaking! I'm not letting it happen.
I want to thank all of you for the past 5 years. While our space here was small, it meant a lot to me. Some of my best writing, and think-throughs, and epiphanies came from this blog, and having you guys here to read has made it so special. I truly believe that we all have stories, and can learn from or inspire or motivate each other. The writing and recording of a life is, in many ways, a lost art. I love blogging because it is NOT just social media: when people are truthful, it's the honest story of a life. Maybe some day we'll publish books of old blog posts like people compile old letters now.
I would love to stay connected with you guys! If you have new projects I've missed out on, please leave a comment so I can see what you're up to! If you want to keep up with what I'm doing, I'm very active on Instagram (@gmrobidas). I promise lots of skating pictures and book pictures and usually some baby cousins. I'm also doing better at posting all my skating videos on Youtube, so if that's your thing you can follow me there. And last but not least, I'm starting a newsletter list. My hope is to send out Friday emails that just talk about what I'm learning and set a few goals for the week. Sending it as an email seems really personal, so I'm hoping it will feel like the old days of blogging, just maybe more work focused.
Again, thanks for being here. I love you guys, and will miss this space. I hope we stay connected!
Since I started in 2012, my blog and I have had a lot of ups and downs. We've struggled with confusion and miscommunication. Over-planning and under-planning. There's been creative highs and horrible writer's block ruts that almost beat us. But, for better or for worse, we are still together today.
I've been thinking about what I want from this space. I want an online space (blog and social media) that is real. And genuine. And kind. And sums up what I'm going through and experiencing and learning. And records the projects I start and the goals I'm working towards. And shares it all in a way that is gritty, but beautiful, in it's way.
Elise summed it up perfectly when she called her blog her resume. That is what I want. I want my blog to be a representation of everything that I am and I want and I can accomplish.
There are so many ways we can use our blogs to show off our skill set.
We can showcase our writing talent.
Or our web design.
Our photography skills.
Our marketing skills.
Our editing skills.
And we can show off our talents in the things we're actually blogging about....like skating videos, or recipes we made up, or clothes we sewed.
And in a more abstract sense, we can showcase what we stand for. Our beliefs and our ideals. Where we put our time. We can showcase that we know how to show up somewhere every day. We can showcase that we're open to growth, and are motivated enough to teach ourselves new skills. We can showcase just exactly what we can do when we build up from complete scratch.
I have so many ideas for what I want to do. And so many ideas for how to share those things on the blog. I'm excited to keep building a blog I'm proud of. One that not only deserves a place on my resume, but is a resume itself.
My mom's birthday was yesterday (happy birthday! You're amazing!). I was super excited about her present, not the least because I'm usually pretty lame in the birthday-present department. But this year, I knitted her this gray and green color blocked cowl.
I used a regular knit stitch on super skinny (I'm thinking size 4?) needles. I used wool yarn, and while I hate how long it takes to make progress on skinny needles, I love the super thick knit it provides. So tight and warm! In the end, I thought the switch from gray to green was too abrupt, so I added little black x's as accents to define the change of color more. I'm really happy with how this turned out!
Here's the thing: I'm not a good knitter. I only make cowls and scarves with a basic knit stitch. I tend to make it up as I go along, and my projects are mostly based on what's in my stash. But I derive so much joy from just knitting...and not caring.
Everything that I do has a point, has a purpose, has an agenda. Skating's my love, but I'm working on it becoming a career so it's not really just 'for fun'. Yoga is fun but it's also for skating and I try to meet goals with it every week. Writing here, my main not-athletic hobby, is a great release, but I also try to take writing seriously, so I set expectations for myself. But knitting? Just. For. Fun.
I like that I get to do something with my hands while watching TV, or talking to my mom. I like that it's pretty inexpensive (especially when I commit to using stash stuff). I like that if I mess up horribly, I can unravel it and start again. I LOVE that it's a hobby easily learned in pieces; just start with a knit stitch, and the rest comes as you get more curious.
I'm a huge believer in doing what you love and reaching goals and making your life (work included!) something you enjoy doing. But I'm also starting to believe in hobbies that are just that...hobbies. With no expectations, no goals, no guilt, no stress. Just happy distractions from our true passions and priorities.
***
I'm just going to be honest and say that I'm already planning stuff for Christmas. This cooler weather gets to me.
From a thrifty standpoint, I'm hoping to knit a lot for Christmas this year, with a focus on using up stash-yarn. I'm excited to share more of what I make on the blog in the coming months! Here's my new project: a stripey scarf in pinks and green (the same green from the cowl, actually!).
Happy Tuesday! xoxo
PS-Just wanted to let you know that I'm working in my Etsy shop, The Broke Skater, again. It's mostly vintage sewing patterns, dresses, hats and accesories from my full-immersion vintage phase. Everything is priced to move and I would be so grateful if you checked it out! More stuff scheduled to go up this week.
You wouldn't be able to tell by how haphazardly I post, but I re-commit to this blog a lot. Probably on a weekly basis, actually.
I really like to write. And frankly (I flatter myself), I'm not terrible at it. Not good, perhaps, but certainly not bad. And I genuinely feel like I have something to say. Whether or not it's actually an important thing to say is another matter.
I have this beat up composition book with Tolkien quotes taped to the front that is my writer's journal. At the front is pages upon pages of first drafts from my creative writing class, written all in pen and terribly messy. As you flip further into the book, though, it switches over to my current writing endeavors. Like blogging, novel ideas, screenplays for the cousins...
Okay, okay.....it's pretty much all blogging.
Lots of post schedules. Lists of post ideas. Because you see, I'm really good at organizing my blog. I mean, you can't pin tons of 'how to be a blogger' pins without becoming an expert, right? And If I find a particularly good pin, or stumble on one stupidly inspiring blogger, I'll quickly decide that I, too, will grace the internet with my witty presence.
And since we all know that following the advice of how-to-be-a-blogger pins will (after time, and hard work, patience, social media, yada yada yada) lead to being....wait for it....A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER.
And won't that be perfectly lovely? Sitting around in ponte pants drinking cappuccino and licking peanut butter off a spoon (terrible confession there. oops.), all while doing what you love and actually making money from it. The heavens will open up and rain down heels that we can effortlessly walk in, homemade cookie recipes minus the calories, and the secret to perfect sock-buns every single time. Now sure, sometimes we'll have to get up off the coach and go to a blogger brunch or something, but overall we'll be totally comfortable, chic, and on top of things.
I'm a bit of an idealistic person, so the stereotypical blogger life sounds really awesome to me. (all the ankle pants! and peplum tops! Starbucks holiday cups for all!). But honestly, all I have in common with super-bloggers is my obsession with peanut butter. Oh, and the fact that I love my blog. That too.
Speaking of which, this poor blog. It's been on a roller coaster as I've tried to find my place in the blogging community.
And honestly people, I'm starting to think I don't have a place.
But.
That's a good thing!
I am no niche blogger, and never really intended on being one. As I've immersed myself in blogger how-to's and such, though, I've lost sight of why I really love my blog. I love the creativity, the fact that I'm publicly sharing my writing (it's not easy, for me at least), and that you (yes, you, the cute person hunching over your laptop and reading this) like what I'm doing enough to follow me. I'm forever grateful for that, and honestly amazed by it.
I'll never be a perfect blogger, but I'm learning to be okay with that. While I would really love to have more followers, I need to remember that blogging is also my creative outlet, and so I shouldn't stress over numbers. For me, the point is to keep writing and keep getting better at it. I've grown so much as a writer, and a person, since starting to blog in 2012. I think it's pretty neat that I have a written reflection of that.
Who knows where I'll go in the future. What I do know, though, is that blogging's here to stay. In fact, I'm going to start posting three times a week. So stay tuned, people, and thanks for being here at all.
And who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll blog about something other than blogging.
As a chronically lazy person, I do best with a busy schedule. Ironic? Maybe, but it's true. When I have free days, I end up spending too much time on the computer, or watching TV, or something else a little bit useless. On busy days, though, I find the most inspiration. I feel more relaxed and upbeat after a crazy, creative, happy day than one I actually spent resting. That's not to say I don't feel the need for breaks...I do. It's just that my best breaks consist of spending an awesome weekend working at a fair with the best friends a girl could hope for (like last weekend!), curling up with books that might be challenging but are worth it, and finally tackling a pile of clutter.
I said I was lazy....but I do like a sense of accomplishment.
To me, happiness means creativity, creativity leads to adventure, and adventure means a full life. So really, it all comes down to an attitude. If I wake up in the morning and consciously decide to make the best of the day and live with a zest for life, it will be a great day.
Sometimes, I forget that my big goals, like skating and school, are part of being creative, too. I'll start to view them as chores, instead of as opportunities that will lead to even greater opportunities. Instead of feeling like I 'can't be creative right now' because I don't have time to write a novel, I should find little ways to instill that creative attitude into every aspect of my life.
If there's one thing that's rang out loud and clear to me, it's that life is an adventure. Some people's adventures consist of exploring the Amazon and touring Europe...and some don't. But that's OK. Because the act of living, of relationships, of getting an education, of reading, of working, of doing every little thing throughout your day, is an adventure.
So go live your life. Work towards something big. Get up and do that little task you've been dreading, because it will bring you closer to your goal. And drink a cup of tea while doing it. I swear it will make it more enjoyable.
