An Ambitious Life

Aunt Mary showing us the topiaries she cares for at the botanical gardens. 

This week, we are traveling with family in Iowa for my cousins college graduation. We are staying with my Great-Aunt Mary in Des Moines, about an hour north of where my cousin went to school. Aunt Mary is 83, bikes 10 miles a day "whether she needs it or not," volunteers at the botanical garden and has stories from travels all over the world. Her and her husband had a great relationship, and lived together in their cute little cottage complete with a potting shed. Aunt Mary worked full time up to a few years ago, when she felt she was too busy with her hobbies and volunteering to continue working full time. She's been a widow for 20 years, and while she clearly misses her husband--and talks about him often--she has also led a vibrant life filled with international trips with friends, birthday lunches, and so many hobbies. 

I've been thinking about ambition often. I've talked about how it feels like we are in the beginning of a whole new season. At times, I have felt lost with what I want work to look like and found it hard to claim anything I want in the future other than a vague sense of *vibes.* But there are so many ways to lead an ambitious life, and certainly, so much more to living well than having a big job. 

As we enter this new season, I want to take myself seriously enough to pursue my work as a proper career, to set myself up in a situation that will allow me to do work that is meaningful and fulfilling and fits into the rest of my life. In doing so, however, I want to acknowledge the rest of my life. I want to put energy into decorating a cute apartment, starting our marriage off on the right foot, taking time to foster our friendships and to figure out our new roles in our families. I want to plan fun vacations and spend our free time exploring the places we'll live. I want to have go-to coffee shop orders that feel fun and whimsical, and read books while curled up on the couch in the summer. 

My cousin, Ena, is graduating college. To oversimplify it, she is at a threshold of getting to make so many decisions about how the rest of her life will turn out. Move home? Go somewhere else? Which job to take? The meaner part of my spirit can be jealous of that clear, fresh start. I didn't leave home to go to college, I didn't have a clear first day at my new grown-up job, and I often feel behind because I never had a clear starting line. But I can give that fresh start to myself. At any moment, I can decide that we're moving, we're mixing things, we're changing our lives and upending everything to run faster towards the lives we desire. Lives that involved work but also lots and lots of play. 

In so many ways it feels like my Aunt Mary defies ageing. She is fun and comfortable, she has a great sense of humor, she still has new experiences and still has new thoughts at 80. She marvels at the world. I want that in my future, but I also want that today.