I'm Just Overthinking About Songs and Movies and Pixar Shorts

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I have the tendency to find a little thing (usually ages after everyone else has discovered it).

And that little thing will remind me of lots of other little things.

And the little things make me think of bigger things. Deep things.

And then I find that the little things reveal major life truths about the big things.

And maybe, that's why we have the little things. 'Cause it's the only way we'll understand the big things.

Or, I could just be crazy, and the little things are just little things, and I'm over-thinking, as usual.

But it still happens.

I've been listening to Bad Day by Daniel Powter on repeat for the last two weeks.

I love everything about it. In a round-about way, it reminds me of the Pixar short The Paperman.

And in a more round-about way, it reminds me of You've Got Mail. Specifically this scene and this scene.

And it's these little things that put into words a lot of what I want, and what I believe, and how the world works. Things I couldn't really express without a lyric/short/romantic comedy to help me out.

I think it's easy to fall into the "I hate people" trap. I know it's me and Deanna's favorite saying. But, I think what I mean is that I hate the fakers. The people who are rude, and thoughtless. The lazy people. The cliches. The boring people, who refuse to be their own selves and therefore refuse to be interesting.

Because I really do love people. I love it when people are unapologetically themselves. I love it when people are tough, and pushing their limits, and so busy working hard and creating awesome lives that they don't even realize how cool they are.

I love it when people allow themselves to feel things, because I think that's one of the biggest problems of our era--we allow ourselves to get worked up over the little things, and numb the big things. We're either rushing, or wasting our lives being lazy. Noticing someone's smudged makeup, but not noticing they're upset. Why can't we get it right? Why can't we hustle and make time to just sit and talk? Why can't see the important little things, and be blind to the unimportant little things?

I think it's easy to look like we're functioning. To keep moving and crossing off tasks. Like the people in the Bad Day music video, we're fine--but, something's missing. It doesn't even have to be a someone. We're just off.

This, honestly, is what I'm thinking during that song/short/movie.

I'm thinking that even when we're on the right path, we'll still have our doubts and insecurities. I'm thinking that having hope, and faith, is the only way to live. And that we must always be looking around us, even if we don't like what we see.

I'm thinking that having core values, topped with passion, and a bit of spontaneity, is the best way to live.

That even when we're really happy, we might be a little bit sad.

That the smallest interactions, the 'nothings', can often be more important than the 'somethings'.

And I'm thinking that being completely yourself is the most important thing. That soulmates are real. And that love and loyalty are my favorite emotions.

Happy Saturday! xoxo

Random Stuff I Love

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Because Valentines Day. You're Welcome.

Freshly painted nails. Wearing purple right now.
You've Got Mail. This nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.
Rockabilly clothes. Because I haven't talked about my awesome new high-waisted jeans enough. Have I mentioned my new high-waisted jeans? They're awesome.
Meg from Hercules. That dress, that ponytail, that sass. And her fabulously swingy hips. I want to be her when I grow up.

Chobani yogurt. Peach with Pistachio and Chocolate granola. Trust me.
Journaling. AKA brain dumping.
French Vanilla Coffee. Aaaall Daaaayyy Looonnggg
Bad Day by Daniel Pewter. Listening to it on repeat, basically, and the video is just awesome.
Mohawk braids. I must learn how.

Old friends who I've literally grown up with.
Sisters because blood doesn't dictate family.
New friends because I stink at making them but when you find one, it's epic.
Adult friends because they're extremely undervalued and I love them.
My brother cuz most of the time he's actually pretty rad. Most of the time.

Happy Valentines Day! xoxo

Heroines Aren't Guaranteed A Hero

Being a heroine is something I talk about a lot on this blog.

Mainly, I guess, because it's something I'm never not thinking about for my own life.

I want to do big things. I want to be in touch with passion, and honesty, and emotion. I want to make art. And travel. And work hard. And play hard. I want to be creative with my life, do things outside the box, and touch the people around me. 

I want to overcome blocks in the road with positivity, strength, and a quick wit. I want to be the heroine of my life story, not the victim. 

But sometimes I fall off the bandwagon. I stop all those action steps, all the quirky life mantras, and all those Wonder Woman poses. I stop believing I'm capable of being the heroine, because there's something I'm so obviously missing: a hero. 

My hero. 

Tall. Funny. Strong. Smart. Hard working. Kind. A true gent. The bad-boy-but-good-man type, perhaps. Someone sweet. Someone who just wants to be with me. And root for me. And have my back.

I'm not looking for a prince (honestly, I'm not into guys that dress better 'n I do). I've never been into the whole 'fairy-tale' thing. Not for my life, anyways. No, I'm looking for a hero. He doesn't have to have it all figured out. He doesn't even have to pretend he does. Cuz isn't that what heroes and heroines do? Figure it out together, by the seat of their pants, and somehow manage to save the day?

Before every feminazi on the internet starts throwing things at me, let me shoot in this disclaimer: I'm in no way saying you need a man. I'm in no way saying I'm less, or you're less, or anyone's less, if they don't have a guy in their life. I'm saying the opposite, actually. From what I've seen and felt, nothing's more draining than being with someone who isn't your hero. It's really, really hard--and I'm not gonna say impossible, but it's probably pretty close--to be the heroine of your life while you've got an antihero dragging you down.

You don't need a hero to be a heroine. Having a hero doesn't make you a heroine. But here's something we haven't talked about before: being a heroine doesn't guarantee you a hero.

That might be a surprise.

It was to me, anyways.

But isn't that what we're always told? 

"Just be you, guys will like you for YOU"

"To get someone interested, you have to be interesting"

Or even just the well meant, "I bet your parents have to lock you up to keep the boys away." 

It's that expectation that the successful, ambitious, pretty, fun, smart, and kind girls are the ones guys go after. That once you hit heroine status, the heroes notice and start lining up. 

But--and every idealistic Pinterest person is gonna hate me for this--that doesn't always appear to be the case. 

I know a lot of incredibly epic young women I'd call heroines. Girls that are quirky and smart and hard working and dreamers and gorgeous, on top of it all. They're the Lizzie's and the Charlotte's of the world. 

I also know a lot of obnoxious girls, who can most accurately be described as basic. Or cookie-cutter, if I'm being kind. They're the Lydia's, Kitty's, and Caroline Bingley's.*

But they're always the ones with the boyfriends. I tried to think of a more poetic way to say it, but it really just comes down to that. And I don't want to be like them. I'm proud of who I am and where I'm going. I don't envy them, but I'm jealous of them (cuz those are totally different things, right?). Why can't I have the slow dance at prom? Why can't I have someone constantly texting me? Why can't I have someone pick me up after work? Why can't I be the one with weekend plans? Why you? Why not me?

I'm supposed to wrap this up and say something encouraging. In fact, I shouldn't have even written that paragraph. It's far too whiny. I should have ended it with a shiny 'trust God's timing**' and then started talking about cupcakes. But here's the thing: today, just know you're not alone. You're not the only one who counts the ways you're 'better' than the girl with the cute new boyfriend. Or questions why you enjoy closing on Saturday nights, only to realize it's because the 'smart' girls are working while all the 'dumb' ones are out having lives. 

And maybe, we need to hear less of the "there's plenty of fish in the sea! You'll find The One eventually!" and more, "sometimes boys are stupid***. And all you can do, is do your own thing, because worrying doesn't help."

Promise me this: when the loneliness of chronic singleness starts to get you down, or another boy has proved 'they're all the same', wipe your eyes and put your head up. Call up your bestie. Sing Bad Day. And believe, for once, that you're truly kick butt. Believe it so much that every person that sees you, believes it, too. Cuz you are.

I promise, you really, really are.

Happy Monday! xoxo

*Referencing Pride and Prejudice, in case anyone was confused.

**You can trust God's timing, while still aching for something. You can believe God has something great planned for you, while still wanting it to happen NOW.

***If you're a guy reading this, and you take issue with that, don't leave an angry comment. Prove me wrong.

:: january 2015 ::

5 Epic Things That Happened This Month:

+Bought new skates! And they're starting to feel more comfortable! Not only was the act of getting new skates awesome, but I bought these myself. The biggest purchase of my life. I'm very, very proud of them.

+Finished learning routines with my Theater on Ice team. :) Honestly, working with brilliant choreographers is the best part.

+Finished my Entrepreneurship class! It feels so good to have this over with. It was an easy A, but unfortunately that translated to busy work and I hate busy work.

+Made the resolution (cuz new years. Or something) to be better at spending time with people. I know it sounds silly, but it's very easy for me to focused on skating and school and work and completely ignore relationships. But this month, I've started actively working on meeting people face to face and making the time to hang out, and keep in touch.

+Tried so many different coffees. Re-discovered Gatorade. Found out I actually like Moxie. 

Goals for Next Month:

+Participate in the 28 Day Heart Opening Yoga Project over at Yoga by Candace! I'm planning on working on Mermaid's pose. I'll keep you posted!

+Finish a couple of books. Right now I'm in the middle of Frankenstein, Rapture in the Deep, Great Expectations, and The FitzosbOsborne's In Exile. Time to prioritize reading!

+Get in the habit of not snoozing my alarm so much.

+Hang out with people! Be an initiator! 

On the Blog:

+This Month I told you about my new skates, my thoughts on the 2015 Nationals Ladie's Freeskate, and a snow-day list of stuff to remember.

Recommended Reads:

+Where DID All The Cowboy's Go? by Sarah Is A Writer.This post expressed so much of what I've been thinking lately and felt like a heart-to-heart with a best friend.

+Q and A: On Creativity, True Self, and Finding Inspiration by Enjoying the Small Things. So much good stuff in a well written package.

+Tangible Changes You Can Make by The College Prepster. In the spirit of new beginnings, this is an awesome read discussing habits and attitude shifts to legitimately change your life. I agreed with so much of what Carly had to say, and am super inspired to make little adjustments to my day-to-day.

+And, by yours truly: Fictional Character Dream Boyfriend Wishlist, My First Fictional Character Crush and How I Started Skating, and We're The Heroines.

Hope your January was full of hustle and inspiration, and here's to a February filled with love and joy! Happy weekend! xoxo

PS-This outfit is completely un-staged and real. While it might seem a bit 'uninspired', it's literally what I wear to the rink everyday. I snapped these pictures 10 minutes before I left for my second practice of the day.

headscarf: hand-me-down.

scarf: eastern states exposition.

coat: christmas present (some sport store. helpful, I know).

leggings: ny2 sportswear

sneakers: filia via kohls

For those curious: underneath is tank top topped with a long-sleeved tee, and I've got full tights on under the leggings. :)

Stuff I Need To Remember To Do

Stuff I need to remember to do:

+Not snooze my alarm.
+Save for a car ($35 a week gets you there eventually...right?).
+Do yoga every day.
+Eat healthy.
+Don't binge on chocolate. Or cookies.
+Push during every single practice, even if your skates hurt.
+Go to bed before midnight.
+Be more patient.
+Check in with friends.
+Make time to write.
+Don't sit in bed while doing homework.
+Pray more often.
+Stop overthinking and trust God more often.
+Stay off pinterest during the day.
+Make plans to hang out with friends. Don't be a hermit.
+Put bandaids on my feet before skating. Ooouuuucccchhh.
+Make time to read!!
+Buy new snow boots. I broke mine. Yes, it IS possible to break boots.
+Blog once a week.

Stuff I wanna buy:

+Sorel-type-ish boots.
+Heeled caramel colored slouch boots.
+These jeans in classic. I bought them in dark wash with Christmas money and LOVE THEM!
+This LBD (possibly for prom).
+Protein bars.
+A new wallet but alas...probably not that one.
+This toy-story-esque poster.
+This P&P poster.

Stuff I'm looking forward to:

+Galentines Day with Deanna!
+All the epic combos in our TOI freeskate.
+Having my own new routine.
+A summer roadtrip with friends.
+The critiques coming up for our team.
+My last semester of high school! Evah!

Happy Tuesday! xoxo

Random Thoughts After Watching the Ladie's Freeskate

Last night after I got home from work, I curled up and watched what was left from the 2015 US Nationals Ladie's Freeskate. In no particular order, here are my random thoughts. You're welcome.

+Mirai Nagasu's routine was heartbreaking. I really feel for her--she obviously puts a lot of pressure on herself, and the stress and emotional drainage of wanting something so bad, but not being able to deliver it, is miserable. However, I really can't stand her skating. She doesn't feel the music, and her choreography seems not only bland but forced. The one high point of her routine, in my opinion, was her spins--she really is an elegant spinner and her positions are traditionally beautiful while still being interesting.

+Ashley Wagner is fierce and kick-butt and totally deserved gold. I love her claws-out style of skating and I really, really loved her freeskate. Not only was every single one of her elements spot on (my word! The triple triple!!), but her choreography and expression was such a good representation of herself. The audience gave her a standing ovation, and after the year she's had, she deserved it.

+Gracie Gold's routine fell entirely flat for me. Her dress was gorgeous, but otherwise I wasn't impressed. First off, she missed a big opportunity with music. This is the first year vocals are allowed, and she went and chose the most obnoxious sorta-vocals she could. She should have stuck with instrumental. Like Ashley, she nailed everything in her program (minus that one minor fall, which she recovered from nicely), but she didn't deliver any personality with it. Yes, Ashley, was a hard act to follow, but Gracie didn't even come close. Still, I will forever love her spiral sequences. I don't know why but I find them gorgeous.

+Karen Chen is frighteningly awesome. Everything she did was perfect. Literally, everything. I was most impressed by her height and ice coverage with her jumps, as well as her spin positions. She did this really cool spin where she was in a pancake position, but with a straight leg, and bending forward. I'd never seen it before! Plus, her high-energy choreography reminded me of how the younger Russian girls have been skating. Maybe Team USA will finally send some tough competition for ladies at Worlds! Karen is on the Junior World team, and I'm excited to see what she does.

+Courtney Hicks. I don't want to be mean, but I couldn't believe how ugly her program was. Not only did she not skate to the music, but she completely fell apart after her fall. Also, the dress had major issues. One of the announcer's made a comment that she really struggles with expression (no duh) and that every year she tries to reinvent herself into a more balletic skater.

Here's my two cents: If you're not a balletic skater, don't try to skate like one!

We as figure skaters are forever reinforcing the awful music-box stereotype! When are we gonna grow up, realize the sport has changed, and stop limiting ourselves as athletes and artists and creatives?

You don't have to be a perfect ice fairy to be a good skater. Skate technically well, but be YOU. Find your style and own it. Be the bollywood one, the fierce one, the peppy one or the quirky one. Skate with joy and love and find a routine that actually makes you feel comfortable. Don't pull a Courtney and look extremely uncomfortable trying to be something you're not.

+Polina Edmonds has some growing up to do. Obviously, after her Olympic debut there were lots of eyes on her this year. A fourth place finish at your 2nd senior championships is AWESOME, don't get me wrong, but it's obvious that Polina is going to have to grow up a little before next year. Her dress and music were not fitting for her senior-lady status, and I honestly felt like her program didn't present the best of her. After last year's amazingly advanced choreography, that was kind of disappointing.

DISCLAIMER: I realize a lot of what I said here could be considered mean, knit-picky, and overly rude. I would just like to say that I have the deepest respect for all the women I've mentioned, and in no way do I want to contribute to the tear-down that's already prevalent enough between figure skaters. However, these were my honest thoughts after/during their programs. 

Still, let me say it again--I have the deepest respect for all these women. For everything I didn't like, I find 10 things I did. Skating is the love of my life, and watching all these ladies compete has inspired me so much in my own practices. I feel like every year figure skaters are stretching themselves, both individually with tougher moves, but also as a sport as a whole. I'm really excited for the new wave of freedom and creativity coming out in recent programs.

Congrats Ashley! You combine grace and fierce competition in one dedicated, gorgeous package. :) #sasshley #swagner

Happy weekend, happy skating! xoxo

New Skates

This week, I took a deep breath and *gaaaaaaaasssssspppp* bought new skates. 

My old ones were about three years old, and seeing as I'd been eeking them out for a year longer than I should have, it was high time I got some new ones. I ended up sticking with Jackson's, but bought the Supreme's instead of the Elites. They're more expensive, but they (supposedly) break down slower and provide more support. They are so cushy compared to my old ones! It's almost humorous how much bigger the ankles are. 

With all that padding, though, comes a super stiff boot. Today was my second day skating in them, and I cannot believe how stiff the tongues of the boots are. I can't bend at all! Breaking these in will definitely be...interesting. I think once I feel comfortable, I'll love them--but the journey to actually getting comfortable is going to be rough. 

I spent about a half hour of my practice today in my old skates. Oh my poor babies, I'm gonna miss you. My coach said it best--my old skates practically feel like sneakers at this point. We've been through a lot. In three years, those skates have gotten me through four moves tests, four freeskate tests, and laughs in the locker rooms before shows. I landed my axel in them. Perfected my layback spin in them. Did splits and 135's and shoot-the-ducks and tons of other fun stuff in them. I tried out for TOI Boston in them. I even carried them around New York City for 24 hours just so I could skate at Rockefeller Center in them. 

I'm really excited about my new skates. But I'm not gonna lie and say it isn't bittersweet.