Training For Novice Freeskate

The other night at skating, it really hit me how hard getting through this Novice Freestyle test is going to be.

For readers that don't skate: to move up levels in skating, we need to pass tests that are created by the United States Figure Skating Association. There are multiple tracts to choose from, like Moves in the Field (footwork patterns), Freestyle (typical programs with jumps in spins), Pattern Dance, Free Dance, and so many more. Generally, there are eight levels in each tract. Once you pass all of them, you become a USFA Gold Medalist in that discipline (like becoming a black belt!). Right now, I'm a Moves in the Field Gold Medalist and am working on becoming a Freestyle Gold Medalist. I'm currently training for my Novice test, which is third to the last, followed by Junior and Senior.

I passed Intermediate Freestyle this past August, a test that took me two and a half years to get through. Although I've been skating since I was three, I started in an extremely recreation-based program, which led to spending most of my time in group lessons or private lessons with recreation-minded coaches. A late bloomer to higher-level skating, I didn't start landing axels and doubles until I was 18.

The move between being an Intermediate skater and a Novice skater is really hard. For Intermediate, the only jumps you need to pass are your singles, an axel, a double-salchow, and a double-single combination. For Novice, on the other hand, I need an axel, double-salchow, double-toe-loop, double-loop, and a double-double. Given that I need six jump passes, I'm doing two axels. And, since axels are relatively thoughtless now, I'm doing more complicated patterns into them, like 180's and spread-eagles.

That is all awesome! But. It means I have to worry about every. single. jump pass. This is the first time I've had to think that way!

At the moment, this test program is kicking my butt. For Intermediate, I focused-in and intensely trained for it, with no thought to anything else, for about 4 months. That was after having already had the program and been sort of working on it for about two years (I know. I'm the worst). Even then, it took skating about ten hours a week, three lessons a week, doing the jump patterns over and over and running through the program at least twice if not three times a session to make it trend towards mostly clean run-throughs. If I did all of that for Intermediate, and still messed up one jump in the actual program when I took it, what on earth am I going to have to do for Novice?!

Fresh out of high school, I knew that all I wanted to do was improve at skating and figure out someway to turn it into a career. At 18, I was simultaneously completely oblivious and unaware of my (lack of) quality of skating, lack of experiences, and who I even was as a skater, while also throwing myself into anxious, panicked fits of self-loathing and inadequacy. I knew that in that exact moment I wasn't hire-able  in any capacity, and while I kept the softest flame of hope that with a lot of work I could be, I also had zero idea of how to make it happen.

But. That was two (almost three!) years ago. Today, I've left my limiting coach situations behind, and now have a dedicated team that's working for me. I've made the cut on higher-level TOI teams, competed internationally with them, and worked with top choreographers. I've attended auditions, competed Showcase, and gone to every single workshop and seminar I can get myself to.

I am nervous about Novice, because I want to pass it this winter (I'm talking this December or January, at the latest). My program is not a typical test-program with a lot of filler stroking; every single second is choreographed, and that is making it even harder. But, I'm also super excited, because I feel that while getting this trained enough will be hard, I also feel like it's totally doable.  Passing Intermediate was a big deal for me because it was about more than just passing the test: it was about staying committed to skating as an adult, making changes to my life so my my dreams became achievable goals, and finally conquering some of the mental demons that had been holding me back for years. I did a lot of good work--on the ice, off the ice, in my head--to get Intermediate ready. I'm totally capable of doing that for Novice, too.

In order to pass Novice in 1-2 months, I'm putting my energy towards these things:

-Completing 2-3 run-throughs every single session.
-Practicing my jumps almost entirely in pattern, and in sequence with the other jumps, too.
-Committing to never quitting run-throughs (a bad habit of mine!), and fighting through the bad ones instead.
-Using this program for several holiday shows that are coming up, so I can practice executing the jumps under pressure.
-Doing cardio off the ice again, to improve my stamina.
-Staying mentally positive and focused, and putting emphasis on how I'm working through issues, not the fact that there are issues.

I finally feel like anything I want to accomplish is within my wheelhouse, it's just a question of whether or not I decide to commit to the process of getting there. That's kind of a cool place to be.

Best! xoxo

Gillian

2017 Summer Adventures

There are always good things to enjoy about the time of year we're currently in, but every couple of years it feels like the Universe comes together and just hits you with a full, perfect season. Growing up, there are definitely summers that I look back on as even better than usual, and I think Summer 2017 is going to become one of those.

I've never been a person to have 'free time'. I tend to the lean to the over-commitment side of the spectrum, and when there's not real work that needs to be done, I love to make up arbitrary tasks so my to-do list stays full. It's a control thing, and not something I'm proud of. Too much freedom tends to give me anxiety; or, at least, put me in a bad mood. But, over the past year or so, I've also come to realize how much the opposite of that does, too. When I'm over-scheduled, I become a lot more pessimistic, and don't end up putting out my best stuff, anyways.

Figuring out this balance is currently a work in progress, and probably something I'll never have down to a science. But this summer, a couple of key things lined up that allowed me to spend a lot more of my time on adventures than I have in the past. The conclusion? Make adventure and relaxing and fun much more of a habit. Here are some favorite things from the summer:

Lots of family time // I'm really lucky, because almost all our family live locally. This summer, my entire extended family met up for ice cream, my cousin and I went shopping, we surprised each other at work, watched fireworks together, and ate lots of good food. I spent an entire evening playing with my little cousins at the local lake before my brother's graduation party, and spent quality time with my mom and grandmother over lunch.

 Summer Reading // Ever since high-school I've struggled to read as much as I wanted to, but I think I've fixed that this year! What with my weird work schedule, I spent a lot of time reading early in the morning, between jobs, and at the rink between sessions. I also built a lot more reading time into evenings, and spent whole weekend afternoons just curled up for hours. It's literally been years since I've done that, and it felt so damn good.

Quality friend dates // I started the summer with a mission to spend much better quality time with my friends, and overall, I think I accomplished that! A few highlights: coffee dates with Johanna, beach walks with Katarina, Boston exploring and Shakespeare on The Common with Kat, weekday Panera dinners with Rebecca, Sunday lunch at IHOP with church family, plus many more phone calls, potlucks, and hikes.

Hiking // This summer I re-discovered how much I love hiking. My mom and I did Mount Major in early July, and then we started working our way through the 4000 footers. We did Mount Tecumseh in the rain, which was hard but oh so fun, and then I did Mount Canon with some church friends. I loved that one; there was literally a section with sheer rock and a wooden ladder you had to scramble up (parkour!). I also did a few quick solo runs up Mount Blue Job, which I loved whenever I needed a quick re-set.

Beach Days // Traditionally, I am not a huge beach person, but this summer I loved it. I spent a weekend with my cousins in Bath Maine which was so long in coming. I ran on the beach in the morning and then spent the rest lounging, reading, and getting ice cream. The best! We also took our summer school kids on a beach field trip, which was probably the most fun day I had at work all summer.

Seeing some shows // In August I saw Romeo and Juliet when it was live in the Boston Common. It blew my mind how fun it was to watch theater outside, and definitely reminded me how important it is to support the arts. I also got to see my favorite singer, Cam, when she was live at Eastern States Exposition! To me, she is the perfect mix of country and folk, and was so genuine and adorably retro in person.

Skating breakthroughs // This August, I finally passed Intermediate Freestyle! This summer, a lot of the changes I've made to how I'm training really started to show and pay off, but most of all, I'm proud of the headspace I put myself in. When I was at the rink, I was fully present and working hard for everything. I pushed myself to do more run-thoughs, more spins, more jumps in pattern, and the result was a really strong test day. I've had my fair share of mental barriers in skating, and this summer I made significant progress towards beating them down. 

Given that I work at a school, my summer work schedule was a huge change. I ended up working at summer school three mornings a week, and then coaching and picking up shifts at my old retail job to fill in the gaps. While at first I was a little upset to not have a more interesting summer job, the schedule ended up being a blessing. With work not immediately taking so many hours out of my week, TOI being on break, and having just left a relationship, I entered the summer just wanting to do a lot of exploring and take some time to reset. Now that skating's mid-season and I've got my full schedule at both jobs, I want to keep that spirit of adventure alive by going to different skating events, going to shows, and making a point to set more dates with friends. The holidays are right around the corner and I'm excited to pack in just as much friend and family time as I did this summer!

Best, Gillian. xoxo

PS-Summer 2016, June & July 2015, August 2015.

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I Was Wrong And I Never Should Have Left

It was a silly decision to decide to quit the blog. It just was. 

After posting here that I quit, I tried to start the email newsletter I'd promised. The first one was fun to write, because it was about 2017 TOI Nationals and a re-cap of our season, but after that I just kept coming up dry. There was so much going on, and I had so many thoughts, but when I sat down to write, nothing would come out in a relevant way.

As I kept poking at it, I realized that I hated that no one would be able to scroll through old newsletters in an organized way. The best part of blogging, at least circa 2011 when blogging was still so personal and authentic, was discovering someone new and just getting lost in their archives. When I found Casey's Elegant Musings (now Casey Maura!) I spent an entire snowed-in Sunday afternoon reading every single outfit post she'd ever written, and then proceeded to dig all the way back to her first post of all time and attempt to read it in chronological order. A few years later, when I started following Carly from The College Prepster (she was still in college when I first found her!) she became my morning coffee. I would wake up and immediately read what she'd written, and then, as I finished up my second cup, get lost clicking through her related posts. Even now, whenever I start to feel a creative rut coming on, I pour through Elise Joy's 'creativity', 'motivation', and lately, 'knitting' tags.

So many people who never got into blogging like to smash it in with the rest of the social media train wreck, but those of us who've found our own spaces here know it's just not the same. Each of the three women I talked about above really shaped and represented a phase of my growing up. As I worked through new things and discovered more of who I was, I sought out their voices because they represented what I was striving to be. Casey showed me how to be myself, even the contradicting parts of myself, when I was an awkward 13 year-old that related every real-life situation to an I Love Lucy episode and perpetually felt out of place. I turned to Carly when I was wrapping up high school, and she let met indulge my to-do lists, random ideas, and overbearing, Type A tendencies. And then, just when I was positive Blogland had turned into a lifeless dessert, Elise sparked the creative juices, self-reflection, and fierce independence that full-time retail had started to beat out of me. 

Once I officially was done with the blog, I really started to miss it. The months before, I had started to feel out of place here. Like I'd outgrown it and somehow lost my voice along the way. But without this platform, I realized I'd gotten rid of my voice all together. I tried journaling, but without the structure, and the editing, and the desire to make some sort of point, I found myself doing a lot more complaining and worrying than real, productive, restorative writing. At some point, I actually started a brand new blog. But the new space didn't fix my problems. I didn't want to abandon all the story I'd already written.

So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to come back. I've changed the design (it's super ugly right now and will definitely change again), and wrote a new about page. At work, I wrote out a list of post ideas. I decided I really had outgrown 'young yankee lady'; so I changed the URL. I wish I'd realized in June that what I needed was a face-lift, not a whole new space. 

I am excited to be back, as I've really missed sharing snippets of my life and pulling together a mass of work that, if no one else, I enjoy reading through. I think we have to keep writing, and writing well. The romantic part of me believes that blogging is our last intelligent, personal narrative. If we don't write letters, or journal, what are people going to publish in 100 years? Anthologies of Instagram posts? *shudders*

And if nothing else, it's exciting to have somewhere to ramble incessantly like this (and let's be real: a place to use words like incessantly. That doesn't happen often).

Thanks for reading, guys! It feels good to be back!

Best, 

Gillian, xoxo

Moving On

I'm going to cut right to the chase:

I am having a fantastic year! There's been a lot of growing going on and I feel like I'm starting a new chapter. For a while, I've felt this good old blog winding down, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. 

There. I said it. After 5 years in this cozy web space, I'm officially leaving Young Yankee Lady behind.

The past 6 months have been pretty great. I finished up the school year at my new-ish job as a special ed para, and really loved it. I ended up working 1 on 1, and I found it so fulfilling! While I've decided that this isn't going to be my career, it's the perfect place for me right now. For the summer I'm working at summer school, and (hopefully) have a few side things, as well.

Skating wise, I've switched coaches and clubs which is a huge change. I also went to Knoxville ProSkaters again, competed at Nation's Cup with my team, and we became the 2017 National Theater on Ice Silver Medalists this past weekend! We are so excited!

This year, though, has led to a lot of questioning. There were situations that led me to really think about what I wanted from life, longterm, and there were multiple times I considered changing tracks and going a more traditional route. The fact is, life is scary. And it's hard to keep the faith when the path isn't clear, and it's hard to ask people to love you and want you when you can't, in any detail, talk about the future. 

Dramatic? Probably. But at any rate, I've done a lot of questioning that almost tempted me to give up on some dreams and move to something 'practical'. Thankfully, though, I decided that that was crazy and what the pit in my stomach wanted, not my heart. 

But I also decided that if I'm going to go for THIS (this being a creative, skating filled life where I'm actively making new things), then I'm going to GO FOR IT. No more holding back, no more excuses, just lots and lots of work and willpower. While I've said this over and over again, I'm ready to act on it. I'm not going to lie about my goals anymore. I'm not going to hold back. Can you imagine if I missed an opportunity because my fear led me to hold back? That would be heartbreaking! I'm not letting it happen. 

I want to thank all of you for the past 5 years. While our space here was small, it meant a lot to me. Some of my best writing, and think-throughs, and epiphanies came from this blog, and having you guys here to read has made it so special. I truly believe that we all have stories, and can learn from or inspire or motivate each other. The writing and recording of a life is, in many ways, a lost art. I love blogging because it is NOT just social media: when people are truthful, it's the honest story of a life. Maybe some day we'll publish books of old blog posts like people compile old letters now. 

I would love to stay connected with you guys! If you have new projects I've missed out on, please leave a comment so I can see what you're up to! If you want to keep up with what I'm doing, I'm very active on Instagram (@gmrobidas). I promise lots of skating pictures and book pictures and usually some baby cousins. I'm also doing better at posting all my skating videos on Youtube, so if that's your thing you can follow me there. And last but not least, I'm starting a newsletter list. My hope is to send out Friday emails that just talk about what I'm learning and set a few goals for the week. Sending it as an email seems really personal, so I'm hoping it will feel like the old days of blogging, just maybe more work focused. 

Again, thanks for being here. I love you guys, and will miss this space. I hope we stay connected!

Best,

Gillian

Audition Video Progress

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Over the years, I've talked a lot about my ultimate, dream goal: to work for a professional skating company, like Disney on Ice or Willy Bietak. That dream has gone through many stages. There was the the shiny-eyed stage at 13, when getting in seemed so attainable for my future adult self. This was followed by the complete inadequacy stage of about 18, when graduation was just around the corner and I felt like I'd fooled myself into believing show skating was an option. This led into the desperation stage of 19, where I tried to put myself out there (and took some huge steps!) but was so nervous that I couldn't count on myself to really perform well.

But now, I think I've entered the courage stage. I'm 20 years-old, and feel very at peace with my skating. I will always want to be better, and strive to be better, but I'm not letting that want distract me from all the things I can currently do. I'm being more professional with how I approach getting a show job, but I've also switched my mindset so that now, I'm doing it for me. Even if nothing ever comes from it, I love skating. I like this process. It's a challenging way for me to put myself out there, and I grow so much with each step. I really like this stage, guys. 

After literally years of video attempts, I finally contacted a professional to actually do it. We met on Saturday during one of the club sessions, and got all the filming done! I used Tap House Media, an awesome local company. We actually know the founders through their parents, and Heidi was so wonderful. I thought I might be nervous, or self-conscious, but the whole morning was so comfortable and fun. 

The night before I made a list of everything I wanted to remember to do, and I think we got it all in there.  I came up with some footwork sequences to show off different things, and spent a lot of time spinning and doing show tricks like spread eagles and illusions. My jumping has been a little weird lately, so I saved that until the end, with the plan to send her some of my own jumping videos if I couldn't do any good ones while she was there. But not to worry! I landed axels and double salchows! I'm slowly but surely pulling myself out of this rut. My jumps are definitely my weakest area when it comes to qualifications, so I wish I could showcase more doubles, entrance variations, and combos to show. At some point this year, I'd like to make an updated jumping reel so I have more to send out, but with the season I've had for jumping, I'm actually really happy with what got filmed.

At the very end, I ran through my showcase program. Late summer, I worked with Kate McSwain to choreograph it and I am so in love with it. The music is a Boogie Woogie Bugel Boy/Candyman medley, and it's very retro and rockabilly. I still need to work on consistently landing my jumps in it, but I'm so excited to take it to a showcase competition. I do love the faces and acting that's in this program, so I really wanted snippets of it in the video. 

It felt so good to finally take this step! When the video's ready, I'll definitely be sharing it here. Action is the best way to cure feelings of inadequacy.

Happy Monday! xoxo

Courage in 2017

2016 was a pretty good year. I just re-read the post I published this time last year. I hadn't even remembered half of the intentions and goals I set, much my less my 'word of the year'. Yet looking back, I found that my intention started to manifest itself without me even thinking about it.

I had picked stubborn as my word for 2016. It may sound like a bit of a negative word, but I meant it in a positive way. I wanted to be stubborn about my goals, and learn to lean in to the hard stuff. I wanted to be stubborn and stand up for myself, instead of getting pushed around. I wanted to be stubborn by living in the way I knew was really me, instead of feeling directionless.

While the particular word 'stubborn' didn't stick with me long, I did keep coming back to the overall intention. When something would start to go badly at work and I would get queasy and scared, my mantra was, "You're tough. Be tough". Sometimes when I was nervous, I'd imagine physically digging in my heels and refusing to move. Those visuals and mantras gave me the oomph I needed to get over a few hurdles this year.

In a less positive way, though, I did find myself doing a lot of muscle-ing this year. One of my coaches actually cited this as why I wasn't jumping as well as I could have been: I was trying too hard, and ended up just forcing it. If I calmed down and allowed my jumps to flow, they'd be easier. I need to beat this habit on-ice, but the funny thing is I've noticed myself doing the same thing off-ice, too. When I get worried, I tend to start pushing too hard and forcing things, instead of recognizing that sometimes, I need to just let it go, and see what happens. I learned a lot about this balance of stubbornness in 2016, but I've still got a long ways to go.

For 2017, though, my word is courage. As in the courage to be authentic. The courage to put myself out there, regardless of anxieties and insecurities. The courage to reach out to someone new, take the first step. I want to be more courageous in my relationships. More courageous in my pursuit of opportunities. More courageous in my actual work, so I can be willing to take risks and experiment. I want to courageously do what is right, not what is easy. I want the inner strength, peace, and forward attitude that courage implies.

I've thought a lot about my goals for 2017 over the past month or two. Rather than looking at the whole year, I'm setting goals by the quarter. At this point in my life, I feel like things tend to stay the same forever and then change all at once. I cannot imagine a single plan that would realistically work out for the whole year. But a 3-month period? I can plan 3-months of intentional, challenging, growth inducing goals.

THE SYSTEM:

• Split the year into quarters: January-March, April-June, July-September, October-December.

• Set 3 'big' goals for each quarter. These should be challenging but realistic.

• In addition to the Big 3, keep up with my goal to perform a solo every month (a challenge I gave myself in November), and read 5 books (3 audio, 2 regular). 

• I would also like to be more intentional about habit building in 2017, so for each month, I'm going to pick a theme, and then try to build some habits around that theme. I'm not going to go crazy keeping track of them or anything, but I'm hoping that just having that monthly reflection and reminder will help me to be more intentional in my daily life this year. 

Now I know that probably seemed a little intense, but I actually feel like I've built a lot of flexibility into it. Planning only 3 months at a time allows me to be so much more aware of what will actually be useful, and I'm hoping that leads to a lot of strides forwards this year.

QUARTER ONE: JANUARY--MARCH

So what, I'm sure you're dying to know, is the plan for quarter one?

BIG 3:

• Make/send out an audition video. 

• Prep for/pass Intermediate Freeskate.

• Another personal one I'm going to keep offline right now (I'll be less mysterious after I check it off). 

SOLOS:

I'm not sure what I'm going to do for January yet, but in February TOI Boston will be hosting a Sk8 to Elimin8 Caner exhibition that I'd like to solo in, and in March I'll probably skate in either a local show or a Showcase competition. 

READING:

I'm horrible with reading lists, but right now I'm looking forward to listening to Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth on audio, and then finishing The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, finally finishing my re-read of The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien, and starting Talking As Fast As I Can by Lauren Graham (I'm also really looking forward to finishing Gilmore Girls in general. I'm finally in Season 6 and loving it, although I'm already dreading Season 7 because from what I can tell while staying spoiler free, everyone's dissapointed by it. BUT I've heard A Year In The Life is awesome, so I'm still psyched). 

HABIT BUILDING:

For January, I'd like to focus on rhythm. I want to add more flow and stride-catching to my day, so I can spend less time worrying about stuff that doesn't ultimately matter. I want to try making my bed every day, sticking to the same morning routine, figuring out what I'm wearing for work at the start of the week, and packing my bags the night before. 

February is going to be a crazy month with tons of practices and therefore tons of commuter time, so I'm thinking of restore. I'd like to focus on getting enough sleep, eating really well, and working out in a way that boosts my energy. 

I don't have many ideas for March, but with it being (potentially) a slightly slower month than January and February, I'm thinking I might focus on create. I've been wanting to challenge myself more when it comes to creative projects (I tend to always do the same creative things), so maybe I would try to start and finish a project in March.

Yes, I know. I always unleash my most psychotic, sticky-note loving self on January 1st. Yet while I know my 'quarterly system' and 'monthly focus' can come across as a little heavy, I actually feel really light and content about it. Planning for just three months, taking things as they come, and focusing on wellness and wholeness, just feels so achievable. I don't need to worry about next fall. Or summer. Or honestly, even May. I am not there yet. Instead, I am doing my absolute best work now. 

Happy New Year! xoxo

20 Things About Turning 20

I've been searching for the right way to reflect on being alive for 20 years. I thought of listing what I'd learned, but that seems overdone. I wanted to list 20 favorite moments, but they all seemed too recent. So here is 20 Things About Turning 20. 10 are things that shaped my 19th year, and 10 are moments/experiences I'm looking forward to in the next decade. 

10 Things That Shaped My 19th Year:

01: Passing my senior moves in the field test. I was extremely proud of it, because I completed the 8-test track in 5 years, instead of the typical 6-8. I love moves, and this was very validating of the time I dedicate to them.

02: Working retail 35 hours a week. This job was boring and hectic, grueling yet easy, anger-inducing and laugh out loud funny. I shared it with some of my favorite people in the entire world, and others who's path I'd rather not cross again (it's mutual, I'm sure). 

03: Going to ProSkaters in Knoxville. This was so eye-opening, and really shaped the way I approached the rest of the year in terms of skating. While I've been open about how I wasn't particularly happy with my performance, I've accepted that I usually need a trial run of something before I do my best stuff. I am SO looking forward to this year. 

04: Loosing my paternal grandmother this summer. After my grandparents living out of state for most of my life, they finally moved back summer of 2015, and I visited them every single Saturday that fall and winter. We lost my grandmother almost exactly a year after they'd moved back. While her actual death was not a shock, it made me grieve all over again for all the time I lost with them growing up. I am so grateful for that year of Saturdays. 

05: Skating at the National Theater on Ice Competition this summer. In my second year there, I found I was so much more present while we competed. We did David Bowie's 'Fashionista' for our Freeskate, and performing it was fun and fast and bold and so right. It was a great way to finish a rocky season of bad critiques and scrapping programs.

06: My best friend getting married. When you've been friends with someone since you were 11, their wedding is a big deal. It was a great day for a great couple, and only promises better things ahead.

07: Getting my new job. I knew that eventually if I wasn't spontaneously cast into Disney on Ice I'd need a job that was more stimulating than retail, but I hadn't made any real plans about moving on, because I was 19, and it was fine. But after talking with one of the paras that assisted one of the work-program store employees, and realizing the hours were practically what I was working already, I went home and applied. I didn't overthink it. I just sent it in. And now I'm here, in a job that's unveiling a passion I wasn't sure about, and a skill set I didn't know existed. Really looking forward to the rest of the year. 

08: After about a year of deliberation, this spring I placed membership with a different church than the one I grew up in. No gasps needed, it's still church of Christ. My reasons for leaving were many, and varied, and extremely thought out. This was me choosing a congregation as a single, contributing adult, and that is scary. But it is so great, and exactly where I need to be. It has restored my faith in a way I can't even describe. I have real, deep connections with my brothers and sisters, and the mutual support there is amazing. They have given so much warmth to this year.

09: I want to challenge my soloist performance skills more, so I decided that this was the year I'd start competing in Showcase. I worked with Kate McSwain to create a show program to 'Candyman', and It. Is. The. Literal. Bomb. This program is my happy place, the light of my life. You'll see it soon, promise.

10: Driving. Everywhere. I don't even want to know how many hours I logged in the car. But: I've listened to hundreds of hours of audiobooks and podcasts, navigated Mass highways at night with only notes written on the backsides of envelopes, learned exactly how far you can get on a quarter tank of gas, learned which gas stations have the best coffee, and learned the invaluable skill of manually turning headlights on when yours stop working. #commuterlife.

10 Things I'm Looking Forward To For My 20's:

11: Lots of skating related travel, audition opportunities, performances, and experiences that will only make my skating better. I'm excited to keep striving and performing and searching for my niche. 

12: Getting better at daily life stuff. I just learned to drive a standard, and I want to be able to do it without thinking. I want to keep up with laundry. Learn how to cook really well. Make my bed in the morning. You know, act like a functioning human. 

13: Getting physically and mentally stronger, to support more adventures in my life. I want strength, energy, flexibility and resilience, in body and soul. 

14: Doing work that is more a lifestyle and value system than just work, and involves me creating, actively contributing unique ideas, challenging myself daily. Whatever that is, or whatever multiple things it is, I want it. 

15: Having better relationships. I want closer friendships, people I work with that I can collaborate with, side projects started with friends, and eventually a real, healthy relationship that brings us both up. 

16: Finding a Luke's Diner. It's all I really want from life. Universe oh Universe, send me a Luke's!

17: Living in new places, in whatever way that looks like. I want a cute, small town New England apartment. But I also want to try living in a city, or a completely different state. This is also just an excuse for me to decorate multiple imaginary apartments.

18: Learning things that seem impossible now. I was thinking about how different I am now than I was at 15, and imagining what I'll be like when I'm 25. I want to learn how to better navigate life, obviously, but I also want to learn some skills. Know how to put together projects and be really good at whatever work I'm doing. 

19: Tackling my nagging insecurities and anxieties, and being more successful (not to mention happier) because of it. 

20: Finally feeling 'my age'. In some ways I feel like I'm already 23, and in others I still feel 15. In my 20's, I'm looking forward to being what I am...not ahead or behind, just present.

I remember being ridiculously excited when I turned 10, because I was finally 'double-digits'. I am equally excited to start living my 20's. Onwards and upwards (and happy new year!).

Happy Friday, xoxo.

PS- 16th birthday, 17th birthday. OF COURSE I wouldn't do something obvious like post about my 18th and 19th.