For When You Realize You Grew Up and Became Toad

The Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel are some of the sweetest, most heart warming books you could ever read. They were a huge part of my childhood, and like all great children's books, are even better as you get older.

Toad is my favorite. Toad has bad days. He gets tired, gets frustrated, and has doubts. But sometimes, things go really well. And he's always ready to appreciate those moments.

Frog and Toad is about little things. It's about contentment, joy, hope, friendship, and putting others first. So for all the times when you realize you are Toad.....

For when willpower isn't one of your strengths...

And when diets are for the birds (literally).

For when you procrastinate...

Only to feel overwhelmed and guilty.

For when a little thing....

...turns into a big deal.

And we overreact.

And then realize how ridiculous we were, and feel bad.

And the only way to make it up is just to act from the heart.

For when inspiration runs dry....

...and all you really want to do is sleep.

For when you don't quite know why you're sad...

And all you really want is a friend.

For when you worry you're not wanted...

And then we don't know the right way to help.

And we make the wrong assumptions.

For when making your to-do list is the most productive thing you do all day...

For when we want, with all our heart, just to be good...

And we get impatient while working for what we want...

For when the haters start to get to us...

And we begin to believe that we cannot do it.

"Toad ran back to frog.
"This kite is a joke," he said, "It will never get off the ground.""

But if you keep trying, it will.

You've just got to keep shaking it up to find what works. And when you've made it, you'll be so much higher than all the people that told you you couldn't do it.

For when the world starts to get to you.

And your head hurts. And your muscles are sore. And your heart is sore.

And you feel like you aren't seen, or heard, or wanted.

And the only thing you're sure of, is that true friendship is the most important thing in the world.

Happy Wednesday! xoxo

Mental Noise & Our True Selves

We live in a heads down society. We fail to notice simple things. We jump from one thing to the next and back again, and not because we choose to, but because we've convinced ourselves we should. We look away from things we don't agree with, often without the courage to even think about why we feel that way.

But our failings (not being present, not standing up, not being unique), are not simply problems with society. They're problems with us as individuals. They come from our failure to truly live with ourselves.

Ages ago, I was listening to Glenn Beck's radio show and he said something about how we don't have enough silence in our lives. About how we fill every waking minute with music and podcasts and tv, and can go a whole day without one moment just to be in our own minds. He made the conclusion that, often, we're afraid of what we'll start to hear if we just listen to ourselves.

Since then, I've always been conscious about being quiet. When I'm busy or stressed out, my skull starts to feel like walls. I feel like I can't even see all the way around me. And the mental noise is trapped and blocking all real thought. I've always tried to do things to stop it. I drive without the radio on. I journal before bed. I go for a walk, or sit and quietly drink coffee.

And I used to feel such relief from that. I'd figure out a next step, or decide what I actually thought about a situation. But lately, the silence almost makes it worse.

I'm a chronic over-thinker. It's a 'green' and INFJ thing. I can get so caught up in little details that I completely disable myself from doing anything. I think I've taken the silence-thing too far. Rather than calming the noise, I've turned it into a way to over-analyze.

The original point of craving silence wast to learn to live with myself. Because silly as it sounds, most people do not truly live with themselves. They live with shells and squashed emotions and failure to even understand what they want and believe. And I hope I never resemble that.

To live with ourselves, we have to get beyond the noise of the world. We have to hear our hearts and chase what they beat for. We have to harness our minds to create and innovate. We have to listen to our guts, our intuition, and know what we find right. And good. And just.

To live with ourselves we must be able to see the world as it is, not how it's been presented to us. And we must confidently share what we actually see. We must realize that we are Big, and Capable, but also so, so small. And surrounded by energy and faith and a higher power that we could never start to fathom.

And to live with ourselves, we must beat our own noise. We must locate that chatter of doubt and worry and self-loathing and unjust guilt and squish it and wipe it away. Because while overthinking is a part of me, I've learned that it also inhibits who I really am.

We must get beyond the noise. And connect with every essence of ourselves.

Happy Saturday! xoxo

Currently October 2015

WATCHING: The Office. I'm in season 6 right now and I'm committed to get through all 9 seasons before committing to another show. In it's weird, twisted way The Office restores my faith in humanity.

LISTENING TO: podcasts! I love Elise Gets Crafty, and I just started listening to Megasequin, which is turning out to be the hilarious real-life figure skating podcast my heart didn't know it needed.

READING: I've been trying to get back into the habit of reading, even if it's just a few pages a day.I I'm honestly really bad about making time for it though, so my method has been starting five books at a time and taking a year to take through all of them. I just finished Do Hard Things last week and I'm in the middle of Blogger Must Read of the Year, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I'm thinking of changing pace and reading Emma this month.

MAKING: Up skating routines. I'm choreographing my own program for the club Christmas show. It's my first time trying it and I'm really excited! But it's also really hard.

WEARING: My leather jacket. And loving every minute of it.

LEARNING: To not get too caught up in the past or the future, but to make the best of each moment as it comes.

STARTING: To drive to Boston by myself!

GRATEFUL FOR: Haunted walks with friends, coffee, this lovely fall weather.

THINKING: That this year is almost over and I have no idea how that happened and I really want these last two months to count.

QUOTING: Greg McKeown, "The way of the essentialist is the relentless pursuit of less but better. It means living by design, not by default. It's not I have to, but I choose to. It doesn't react to what's most pressing, but pauses to discern what really matters. It means pushing against social expectations. To do it well takes courage and compassion."

Happy Tuesday! xoxo

Phrase A Day v. 8 (final!)

Well there we have it: Phrase A Day is complete. I've done one-line journals before, and I was actually surprised that I didn't connect to my lines as much as I have before. Maybe the one-line format just isn't for me right now.

Whether or not I pick this up again, I'm glad I tried it. Often, we can find ourselves in ruts, just grinding through work and what we have to do. Even creative work can get habitual if we stick to what we know rather than taking the time to explore. I've been trying to be more intentional about trying new things, thinking outside the box, and evaluating everything that I do. So I'm glad I tried a new format, if only for the sake of doing something different.

How to make your own Phrase A Day mini-journal.

Happy Thursday! xoxo

No-Bake Cookies

This is the first year I have ever liked Wednesdays. My entire life, Wednesdays have always been a meh day. The only reason I look forward to them now is that they happen to be a day off from work, and I skate in the afternoon, which means a whole morning off.

Growing up, we always went to Bible Study on Wednesday nights. For the most part, we still do. But it was never church itself that bugged me on Wednesdays (except for the part about having to get up and leave at 6...). Honestly, Wednesdays bugged me because they were boring. I was tired from the week, but with no real hope of the week being over. I usually had in-person classes the next day, which meant homework cramming. Wednesdays were never something to look forward to.

Until, that is, my mum and I fell into the habit of making No-Bake cookies every Wednesday night after church. We'd get home at the 'late' hour of 8:45, break out the saucepan, and start melting the ingredients together as the TV got turned on in the next room. We'd bend over the pan with our spoons, laughing and making stupid jokes while tasting the 'hot chocolate stage'.

Next, we would add the peanut butter and oatmeal. Tempers would momentarily flair as we argued over the correct amount of peanut butter (Mum adds too little, I add too much, apparently). After the No-Bakes were done, we'd spoon the hot chocolate-oatmeal thing into mugs and eat with a spoon. No need to be unoriginal and wait for them to cool.

To most people, food has a lot of meaning. We might love the taste or the texture, but often, our favorite foods also have stories tied to them. Stories of love, connection, and little moments amidst big things.

Making No-Bakes on Wednesdays was something Mum and I always looked forward to. It was our time to catch up. Re-hash whatever happened at church that night. Make plans for the next day. Poke good natured fun at other people and each other. Snorting and making stupid jokes over the hot sauce pan opened so many doors to us being so close now.

I never looked forward to Wednesdays. But somehow, Wednesdays nights always seemed just right.

No-Bake Cookies

1.) In a saucepan, heat one stick of butter, 1 1/2 cups of sugar, 3 1/2 tablespoons of cocoa, 1/2 cup of milk, and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Continuously stir until all the butter is melted. This is the hot chocolate stage. ;)

2.) Turn off heat. Spoon in approximately 3/4 cup of creamy peanut butter, and 3 cups of oatmeal. Turn heat back on and stir until combined.

3.) Remove from heat, and serve hot in your favorite mug with a spoon. Extra is spooned onto tin foil to firm up into 'real' cookies.

Happy Tuesday! xoxo

Goals: Check Ins, Recaps, Updates!

On August 16, I wrote a post that detailed my goals for the 'new' year. Now, almost exactly two months later, I'm looking back, drawing some conclusions, and pulling myself together for another stretch.

There's a lot of things I didn't do. Some I half did. And others I completely checked off. As always, there are things I want to change, and things I'm super happy with. But progress is the point, and I'm really happy to say that there's been lots of that!

The last list was broken up into sections, so I did the same here. In each section, I have the status of the goals from my last list, followed by my new goals.

PERSONAL TRAINING

From last time:

1.) Testing Junior Moves in the Field. Done! And passed!

2.) Land a double salchow and a double loop. Not yet. It's kind of frustrating, actually. But they are getting closer.

3.) Take jump lessons. Yes! I'm really proud of this. In August, this seemed like such a big step. But I've since gotten it all set up and worked out, and I'm now taking jump lessons from another coach every Wednesday. She actually used to coach my main coach, so it's all connected! Definitely a good decision.

4.) TOI Boston tryouts. I went to both days of tryouts, and am skating with the senior team, Act 1! So happy to start learning choreography and really get the season underway. :)

5.) Daily yoga practice. Still struggling to get into the habit of this, but it's better than it was. I really do enjoy yoga, and notice a huge difference when I'm diligent with it, so I'm committing to doing more.

6.) Off-Ice training. Still haven't signed up for a gym. And I've literally not ran or biked or done anything but skating and yoga. It's shameful and needs to change.

Current Goals:

7.) Land a double salchow, double loop, and double toe loop. Think big!

8.) Perfect a flying camel and a flying sit spin. Flying camel needs better timing, flying sit actually needs to...spin.

9.) Get gym membership (and start going). 

10.) Re-commit to daily yoga. And work on arm balances: forearm headstand, fling pigeon, and eight angle pose.

11.) Send in an application video to Disney on Ice. I've avoided writing that as a goal here forever. It just seemed so scary to have it out like that. But I am so, so excited for this.

COACHING & WORK

From last time:

12.) Finish registering as a Basic Skills instructor. I did! Need to finish the background check though.

13.) Sell stuff online. I've been posting stuff to Etsy, selling some books on Homeschool Classifieds, and I sent in a ThredUp bag. So yeah!

Current Goals:

14.) Further my writing. I want to keep blogging regularly, and even bump it up. I'd like to post here five times a week. And I'd like to start applying to write other places. Like guest posting, or being a contributor somewhere.

15.) Finish the background check. And get a regular job coaching. Right now I'm on sub lists, but I'd love a regular job.

16.) Keep trying to sell stuff online.

Okay, so I feel like I was kinda all over the place in this post. But honestly, I feel all over the place. My aim right now is just to keep experimenting and grinding to find a rhythm that works, but also not wait for that rhythm before getting down to work. There's a lot to try and see and do. And it's not waiting for anybody.

Happy Tuesday! xoxo

Sunday Afternoon Shopping Roadtrip

This week and next there's a mini-break from the TOI practices that usually fill my Sunday afternoons, so I knew I wanted to go all Sunday-vibe on them and do something fun, relaxing, and out of the ordinary.

When we were visiting family in Missouri this summer, we went shopping at a Plato's Closet in Kansas City. I'd never heard of this store before, but fell in love the moment we walked in! It's a trendy consignment store geared specifically for teens/20-somethings, and honestly, the stuff is just fun. It's bright and weird and cool, and they curate from better brands, if you're into that sort of thing. It is so NOT thrifting. There's not much digging, it's not dirt cheap, and all their stuff is curated with their brand in mind. But! It's so fun to be able to hunt for more unique pieces that are still current.

Anyways, so we went to this shop in Missouri and had a blast, and spent most of the car ride home bemoaning that we don't have them in New Hampshire. But my cousin did some searching, and she found out we do have one in Maine, just about an hour from us! So yesterday afternoon, me and my cousins Lily and Ena piled into my car for a girl's shopping roadtrip.

I went in with some specifics to look for: jeans (because I literally have two pairs, one of which is out of commission right now), tops (NOT sweaters! Tops!), and cool, edgy combat boot things. I did end up with one pair of jeans, and a top after we hit up Old Navy, but alas my edgy combat boots evaded me. Everything that I liked style wise was a size 6, and it's been quite a while since my foot was a size 6. *sighs*

Here's what I made out with!

This sun dress was from our Old Navy stop. I found it on the clearance rack (because the clearance section is my favorite part of Old Navy), but it didn't have a tag on it. I asked someone but they couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be, so they just gave it to me for $5! I was wanting an easy-going sundress like this all summer, so I'm excited to have one for next year.

This green top was also from our Old Navy stop. It was only $9, is super soft, and a great shade of green. It's loose and flowy, and I was dancing in it for 30 minutes straight after I tried it on, so that's a good sign.

The jeans are from Plato's Closet. I've been looking for a good pair of ripped jeans, because I've finally started to drop my prissy ways in favor of more edgy looks. These fit well throughout (just need a belt, like usual), are pretty thick jeans to begin with, and the tears are there without being obnoxious, so I'm happy. They were $12.

And THIS outfit. This outfit is why I'll be refusing all social invitations that don't take place outside. I must wear this everywhere.

This is a Plato's leather jacket and it was only $10. I needed an in-between seasons jacket, anyways, and I'd been thinking about a leather one because of my edgy over prissy tendencies right now. I am SO happy with this. I almost didn't buy it! Thankfully my cousin talked me into it!

The whole outfit is a scarf from a fair, thrifted jacket, thrifted jeans, and hand me down boots. My eclectic heart is beating wildly at this. Curated (verses force fed) closets for the win!

We ended the day with dinner at Friendly's. They have good Mozzarella sticks, in case you need suggestions. It's been a while since I talked clothes on the blog, so thanks for indulging me! My new-found minimalist tendencies have actually gotten me interested in curating a perfect closet again, so you'll probably be hearing more about it from now on. I've always thought clothes were important. That they were representations of us and who we wanted to be, and therefore not vain to obsess over.

And with that thought in mind, it is so important that we curate and choose what we buy/wear/keep. Because blindly consuming what's put in front of us in displays is not choosing joy, or making us more confident.

I've been moving from my prissy/preppy ways into edgier, artsier styles. Because I want to live a life that's more open and adventurous. What did your outfit say about you today?

Happy Monday! xoxo