Sunday, October 6, 2019

Life Right Now

Hey friends.

I have become the absolute worst kind of blogger: the sporadic, only-posts-life-updates kind. Luckily, though, I'm not naive enough to think that anyone actually cares that I've not posted since June. And I'm certainly on top of things enough to understand that if at one point anyone did care, that person definitely doesn't read blogs anymore. Because who reads blogs?

Well, I guess I still read blogs. The other day I was combing through Elise Joy's blog archives for a knitting tutorial and I got caught up reading old posts about her early marriage. While reading one of her anniversary posts, I actually teared up. Elise has been so inspirational to me in her way of presenting herself; there are few people with online presences as large as hers that do it so authentically. While (of course) there is always so much behind the scenes we don't know about, I love how great she is at capturing the feeling of specific chapters of her life.

Though the 15 year-old Gillian that started this blog definitely couldn't articulate that, the ability to form a written time-capsule is what 22 year-old Gillian still wants from blogging. I journal, sure, and I'm on Instagram a lot, but I'm missing long form writing again. I want to challenge myself to capture my life in type.

So, here we are. I'm excited to come back to this world, and excited to write earnestly again. The goal is a post published every Sunday morning at 5am. Though I know I've said it a thousand times over the last two years, I'm back for real this time.

A major contributing factor to my lack of posting over the last two years has been the seemingly constant changes in my life. Especially since this time last year, no two-months have looked the same. So to get started: here's a bit about what life looks like right now.

work. I am currently working as a professional figure skater, performing in professional contracts. At the moment, I'm in-between shows, and have been home since April. For work during these in-betweens, I'm still working as a skate technician at Home Ice Boston, coaching both group and private skating lessons, and working at a coffee shop.  It's an exciting time because for the first time in my life, skating (through shows, coaching, and the skate shop) is making up the majority of my working hours and the majority of my income. What a crazy thing to say. It's also an exhausting time, because I don't have a regular day off and I'm commuting to Boston (3 hours round-trip) 5 days per week. But, busy-ness is a good problem to have.

skating. Speaking of skating, I'm finally buckling down and getting myself back to training for my Novice Freeskate test. This summer was busy and wonderful, but unfortunately not the greatest skating summer. But my jumps have been making progress, and I'm excited to finally be in the right headspace to make this test happen. I've been spending a lot of time beating myself up for being 'bad at it', and that isn't helping. So here's to digging deeper, committing, and challenging myself in a way that is fun and encouraging.

chris, family, and friends. Chris and I have been dating for a year and a few months now, and he truly makes life wonderful. He deserves a proper blog introduction, but us being together has led to so many adventures, good talks, belly laughs, and new perspectives. There's been a lot of relationship changes for me over the last year: making new friends, discovering new things about old friends, changing how I interact with my family, and generally attempting life as part of a committed couple. Lots of change, but still exciting.

anxiety. While 2019 has been an incredible year, it's also been one full of insecurities, self doubt, self loathing, and major anxiety attacks. Perhaps it's because of there being so many changes? Regardless of the cause, my self-talk, perfectionism, and worrying has led to a lot rough nights, arguments, wasted days, and general lack of joy. I'm currently actively working on improving and managing my anxiety, and talking about it more openly. I am still debating about whether or not counseling or medication is something I should turn to right now. In the meantime, I'm trying to be conscientious about what I can do.

reading. On a lighter note, 2019 has held some incredible reading experiences. So far I have read 21 books, which is a really big number for me. Most of my reading time has been coming from audiobooks, because of my long commutes. It's really satisfying to be able to get through books quickly, as paper books generally take me a month at least. Reading consistently (and diversely) makes my life so much better. Some favorites of the year: Station Eleven, Burnout, Pachinko, Big Magic, and The Defining Decade.

the rest. Outside of this list, I've been getting back into yoga and running, cooking a lot more (yay!), wrapping up a re-watch of The Office, planning roadtrips, and starting to put cinnamon in my coffee.

If you asked me at 2pm in the middle of the day, I'd probably say that life right now is "CRAZY! unmanageable. Busy. But good? But crazy. and stressful." Right now, though, I will say that life feels pretty great, actually. I don't often take a step back, but I'm at a point where I can trace the work, people, and good habits in my life back to tangible decisions I made over the last few years  (as well lots of luck and coincidence, as always), and that feels amazing. I'm tip-toeing, but I do feel myself coming up on the life I wanted a few years ago. It's coming. Curating a life is exciting!

Thanks for reading, guys. Hope this Sunday finds you well. These are the days, let's enjoy them.

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