All The Good Stuff

I've been in a wicked baking mood lately, which made me go through my phone and reminisce about food.

These are paleo chocolate chip cookies from Ambitious Kitchen. So good, you could make these for a bake sale and no one would know they were grain-free. Amazing!

This is a coconut flour chocolate chip zucchini bread I made about a month ago, I basically just combined a bunch of Ambitious Kitchen recipes based on what I wanted and what I had. It turned out pretty good, just grain free bread doesn't raise a lot so you have to make sure you're pan is just as full as you want your loaf to be.

For a church potluck, I made Gluten Free bacon mac and cheese! I used rice pasta, and sprinkled Parmesan on top so it got all crusty. I wish it was creamier, but I'll try harder next time. I just am always at a loss about what cheese melts the best.

Did you know that Annie's is selling cinnamon rolls now?! I tried them yesterday morning, to celebrate that this morning, I'm starting a new job! Onwards and upwards!

Happy Monday, xoxo

Gilmore Girls

I make up a minority of the American female population, in that I have not yet watched all of Gilmore Girls. Shock! Horror! Shame!

As a book-obsessed, comedy-loving 90's child, I realize that this is ridiculous. When it was actually airing, I was just a tad too young for it, and more interested in I Dream of Genie re-runs, anyways. But now, with Netflix at my fingertips, I'm finally living out my fullest potential, and binging it as quickly as possible. There is a revival to prep for, after-all!

You ever notice how some things, like a quote or a book or a blog, find you exactly when you most need them? That's how it was in 2014 when I read Someday, Someday, Maybe Lauren Graham's (Lorelei Gilmore) debut novel about an actress in NYC struggling to 'make it' before her self-imposed deadline. That book was life changing for me. As a junior in high school, it spoke to everything I was feeling as I entered my senior year and faced what adult life would be. There were times that I felt my dreams were silly, and not possible, and this book taught me to hope, and chase after them anyway. I felt so seen and understood after reading this, which was welcome after all the hard questions like "so where are you going to college?!" that I was getting daily.

So, when she already had that much impact on my life, maybe it's not surprising that I completely fell in love with Lauren Graham and everyone else that brings Gilmore Girls to life. I feel like it is yet another moment of finding what I need, exactly when I need it the most.

Right now I need community. I need friends, and neighbors, and the small-town vibe of Starshollow. I was starting to really feel it this year. At my job, I knew everyone that come in. Since it was a grocery store, I knew every local chef and driver and restaurant owner. I knew all the local construction company guys, all the elderly couples from assisted living, all the elementary teachers that run in before school starts. I had my favorite manager, and each morning we'd have a new story to update each other on.

But I just got a new job. I start the 31st. I am over the moon excited and grateful, and it's going to be such a better situation than my old job. But Saturday, I also found out that my favorite manager just got transferred. I won't even get to say goodbye, he's in a new store starting Monday.  And that all just feels like too much change. I'm already missing my little community. It took me a while to feel a part of it, and I don't know if a new one will be easy.

I wish I lived in Starshollow. Right now, I need that community. I wish I could walk to everything. I wish I knew exactly who to call when I'm feeling down. I wish I had a Luke, with a diner that is magically open at any time of day, yet also incredibly easy to leave so that he can come help me fix problems. I wish I could eat burgers everyday with no repercussions.

Everything is looking up right now. This is going to be a great winter, I know it is. I've been anxious about everything I've said above, because change is scary and I'm very easily spooked. But I know in a few months, I'll be happy with the new situation. But right now, when I forget to calm down and enjoy, I turn to Gilmore Girls for the reminder. There will always be family to turn to. There are always more people than I think willing to help me. You need to find friendship before romance. And we all need something to work hard for.

Currently on Season 2, episode 18. No spoilers, please! I know a few are obvious but I'm trying really, really hard here!!

If Everyone In The World Did This, We'd All Be Happy

If everyone in the world...

...had as many conversations with their mom as possible,

...actually made their bed in the morning,

...took every opportunity to cook a brag-worthy breakfast,

...this world wouldn't be so stressed.

If everyone in the world...

...had a waitress that memorized their order,

...a close group of cousins, nieces, nephews,

...a co-worker that always had their back,

...this world would have more compassion.

If everyone in the world...

...introduced themselves to everyone that sparked their interest,

...spoke their minds kindly, but honestly,

...knew how to plan dates that are actually enjoyable,

...this world would have a lot more confident people. And probably less single people, too.

If everyone in the world...

...could support each other with a 'yay! you tried something and completed something!' attitude,

...valued the process as much as the result,

...understood that not having all the answers is normal,

...this world would have so many more dreams inspired, tried, grasped.

Somehow it's easier to talk about the whole world being more this or more that, than it is for me to make these same changes in myself. I never make my bed, I rush through everything, and my pessimistic inner voice pops up at the first sign of 'failure'. But maybe, 'changing the world', or, even more difficult, 'changing out lives', starts with just getting the simple stuff really right. Being in our communities. Noticing the world around us. Working really hard. Running after stuff we love. Maybe that's a lot to ask of everyone in the world. But, what if I?

Till next Monday, xoxo.

Last Quarter Goals

I feel like God presents you with the lessons, or quotes, or people, or opportunities, that you most need at the time. I believe that good can come out of any situation, as long as we stay hopeful and make the most of what's presented to us. 

As a future-oriented person, I've always had a fair amount of anxiety about goals and careers and what I want my life to look like. While it's not a good thing, I'm a worrier by nature, and sometimes I can channel that worry into drive, and use it to help me actually reach my goals. I tend to have a lot of skill-based worries. I never doubt my vision, I never doubt my work ethic, or my stamina. But I'll often find myself worrying about my inadequacy in one specific area, and then using that as my excuse for never moving forward.

I have always wanted to audition for skating shows. In many ways, it's the only thing I've really known I wanted to do. And while I've put myself out there in various ways (like Knoxville!), I've also sometimes found myself holding back. I haven't always understood this, but now I do. I've held back because I'm afraid of being inadequate. I'm afraid of being rejected, of people thinking it's a silly thing to try and then me looking silly if I try and then fail. But I've also held back because I'm afraid of being successful, and then found out. I'm afraid that somehow, I'll get cast or start talking to someone or something, only for them to slowly realize that I'm actually not that great. And I fully realize that this is the most ridiculous thing I could possibly be scared of. But I'm terrified of it.

One of my coaches pointed out, though, that I am doing this for me. I love skating as a lifestyle, and I don't ever want to stop skating. I love performing, I love practicing, I love experimenting, but the enjoyment of those things don't diminish just because I'm not being recognized, or because I wish I was better.

I have tunnel vision. Some say it's a good thing, but lately I've been working on fixing the negative side effects of it. My tunnel vision tells me that if I don't get my act together and become a perfect skater in a month I will never be anything, period. But I know that life is so much more full than that. And that while skating is a huge and ever-growing part of me, it's my attitude, work ethic, what I do with friends, the conversations with my mom, my go-to coffee order, and my favorite sitcoms that make me me, and a much better me than the tunnel-skating-me. In the same way, within skating I can get so focused on landing a particular jump, that I start to obsess over it to the point that you'd think it was all that skating was. And it's not. I love choreography, combination spins, footwork patterns, making faces. Just like we need well-rounded lives, it's well-rounded skating that provides the most fulfillment. And messing up one jump doesn't  diminish that at all.

We are all so much more than one thing, and thank goodness for that. Our lives hold every possibility of infinite things to do. We would be pretty boring if we limited ourselves to only one specific thing.

I am so excited to be entering this last quarter of 2016. I am excited to try new things and buckle down on old things. I'm excited to put forward my best self, free of inhibitions and crippling doubts. I wrote a list of goals for October-December that is making me wicked motivated, because while it's a tough list, it's also a totally doable list. In the interest of privacy (I know! Strange concept for me!) I haven't shared all of them, but don't worry, you'll see the rest once they're completed.

Goals for October-December 2016:
-Pass Intermediate Freeskate.
-Compete in a showcase competition (Cannot wait to tell you more about this!).
-Read The Two Towers.
-Pay back some bills I've had to sit on. 
-Make progress saving for this year's travel.
-Consistently workout 3 days a week (Currently have zero off-ice routine and it's a problem).
-Get an internship/shadow/become a staff writer, do something. And do a good job, preferably.
-Code something. Just a random thing to learn!
-Do at least 4 social friend things.
-Meet friends in Boston.
-Blog post once a week.
-Knit 10 more things.
-Make an audition video.

I am excited for what's next. I'm ready for what's next. What's getting you motivated for the last quarter of the year?

Happy Monday! xoxo

12 Books In A Year

At the start of 2016, I made my reading goal for the year: 12 books. 12 books. That is so small compared to what I used to read. So small compared to what my goals for the past couple of years have been. And yet, seeing I read 11 books in all of 2015, apparently it's pretty on target. 

This was finally the year I realized that I'm not in middle school anymore. That reading in the middle of the day isn't always an option. That I usually don't get in bed early enough to read.

But with all that being said, I made the goal to read 12 books this year. And I reached that goal in September. So apparently I did something right! I realize that 12 books is ridiculously low for some, and ridiculously high for others, but I'm really proud of actually achieving a reading goal. I guess setting something realistic is a good strategy!

At the beginning of the year, I created a habit tracker to inspire me to read every day. It lasted all of January, but not much longer. I still wish I could get in that habit, but truthfully, I'm not focusing on it right now. But here is how I did read this year:

Audiobooks. Yes! Duh, I know! But for the first time in my life, I listened to, finished, and enjoyed audiobooks this year. I commute a lot, and usually depend on podcasts. But I have found that sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the informational noise of podcasts (granted, I listen almost exclusively to self-help shows). Audiobooks have been a very welcome break, but I do have to be choosy and make sure I'm picking a good narrator and the right length/style of book to hold my interest. 

Lunch breaks. I would love to be the person that reads religiously every lunch break, but I'm not. I only get a half hour, and by the time I heat up my food and walk to my car, I don't have a ton of time to eat left. But when I convince myself that the 1-2 pages are worth the effort, I always leave thinking of course they are. So this is something to get better at. 

Trips. The reason I hit my goal early is because I was able to blow through multiple books while I was traveling. Travel time is uninterrupted reading time for me, I don't try to do anything productive except read. 

Sometimes I didn't watch TV. Okay, so right now I'm watching through Gilmore Girls, which means only the greatest of books is going to inspire me to leave Netflix off and read instead. Buutt, earlier this year when I finished The Office (sob) and could not bring myself to watch anything less amazing, I didn't watch TV at night and read instead. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing catch up with my reading, instead of reading what I want in the moment. But, I made a concentrated effort this year to read what I want, when I want, without book guilt. Progress!Here's what I read, in chronological order:

He Loves Forever by Thomas OlbrichtTom, a retired professor, preacher, and missionary, used to attend our church before he moved. In one of the classes I had with him, he gave us all copies of the new edition of one of his books. I finally got around to reading it, and it was just what I needed. This book discusses God's love for us with a focus on the Old Testament, and refutes the mainstream idea that the God of the OT was a God of wrath and anger. I found this book soothing and uplifting, and it helped me re-evaluate some parts of my faith that needed to be looked at. But my favorite part was definitely hearing Tom's voice on every page.

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley. This was my first audiobook of the year, and I loved it. It's an adult book, written from a child's perspective, and it's not at all patronizing. I love the whimsical feel, and can't wait to get to the rest of the series. 

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. Now this was an intriguing book. In it, Gladwell discusses success and the million and one random events that can push people towards true greatness. There were times that I found his opinions rather depressing, because I think it's dangerous to take too scientific an approach to our dreams and goals. Humanity is not always scientific. But I also found parts of it really inspiring, like when he was talking about the school in New York, and the 10,000 hour rule. Lots of good discussion here.

I Like People Too by Lindsey KublyHumph. I was so looking forward to this book, but it didn't do it for me. I thought it was going to be about making friends as an introvert, but it just didn't really share any actual information about how to do it. It was really short, though, so maybe still worth the time.

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari Another humph. I love Aziz Ansari from his Parks and Rec days, but I don't know if I'm super drawn to his humor outside of the show. This book is supposed to be half research, have humorous monologue, of the ridiculous state of modern love, dating, marriage. I love the concept and found the research really interesting, but I found his jokes distracting and and some of his conclusions just...wrong. Another one for good discussion, though. 

Humans of New York : Stories by Brandon Stanton When this arrived out our library, I had to grab it! A completely beautiful book, I could have sat and read the whole thing at once. Though I'm not the most avid HONY follower, I didn't notice any repeat stories. Perfect for when your faith in humanity needs a booster shot.

The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton You know when you abandon a book, not because you hated it, but just because it wasn't right for the time? And then eventually, you pick it back up and it's everything you could ever need? That is my story with this book. Years ago, I got it on audiobook (CD audiobook!), and ditched it pretty early on. But picking it up again this spring was so, so right. This book is slow moving in a decadent kind of way. You can sit for hours and just digest it. It haunts you when you're not reading it. And Kate Morton is the queen of twists. Can't wait to devour more of her books, but I've held back because they're all so hefty. 

Dream When You're Feeling Blue by Elizabeth Berg Blagh. Gak. Okay. So, this was another audiobook, and if it was any longer, I would have had to abandon it. The story of three sisters on the American home-front during WW2, and based largely around their letters and contact with their boyfriends away at war, it's less endearing and a lot more...stupid. It tried to be a bittersweet, hopeful, coming of age story. And it became one of ignorance, immaturity, and blatant searching for chances to use retro phrases.

Bossypants by Tina Fey Yet another audiobook! My absolute favorite part was hearing about how she got started, and her time writing for SNL and her own show. I find her energy and work ethic so inspiring! Plus, she's a great example of why author's should read more of their own work.

Some Like it Lethal by Nancy Martin This is the third of the Blackbird Sisters mysteries, so it was the usual dose of glitz, sarcasm, and over-the-top posh-ness. They are so fun. This was my least favorite of the three, however, because at times I felt like she went off on tangents. 

The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay Is it weird that a self-help book about your 20's is one of my favorite books of the year? Probably. But I do love a good self-help. Here, Dr. Jay challenges the the idea of just 'living it up' in your 20's, and discusses the importance of being intentional with your career, relationships, and overall life. I've always been more on the planning side of things, and loved finding a like-minded person in Dr. Jay. But I'm also a procrastinator, and this book served to kick me into high gear, as well.

The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough Even though this is a pretty hefty book, I tackled it on audio! The Thornbirds follows multiple generations of the same family, recording the struggles and day-to-day life of the Australian outback. While this book sucked me in and was the reading shot-in-the-arm I needed for September, I did find myself having to step away occasionally. This book deals with some heavy stuff and on some of my long commutes, I needed a break. Still such an absorbing read, though!

I'm so happy with the reading I've completed this year, and now that fall is here to stay, I'm looking forward to finding more time to read again like I was in the spring. Right now, my only reading goals for the rest of the calendar year are to finish The Two Towers;and listen to more audiobooks. Right now, the titles I'm most wanting to dive into are Someone Else's Love Story, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, and a good Agatha Christie mystery.

Happy Tuesday! xoxo

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Summer 2016

Before last week, we hadn't talked since the end of April!  Here's a peek into the past 4ish months...because let's be honest, the blog silence started way before April!

In April we Act 1 ladies learned an entirely new Freeskate! After getting critiqued at the Vermont Theater on Ice Festival, we decided that while our CE was full of potential, our Freeskate needed a new direction. It was definitely a risky move 2 1/2 months before Nationals, but we took the plunge and pulled in Adam Blake. Oh. My. Goodness. I have never had so much fun in my life! After a week of long practices, we finished it, and then stood around in a mixture of awe for Adam and pride in our team. An experience I'll never forget!

Act 1 also skated in Ice Chips: Show of Champions. On my own, I was a soloist for my home club's annual spring show, and most exciting of all...I passed Senior Moves! I was very proud of my skating that day, and got a 4.7 or higher on every element (passing average is 4.5). For someone that hated moves in the field at first, and didn't even test until my freshman year of high school, passing senior after just a 5-year period was extremely satisfying!

Spotlight on Theatrical Skating (can you tell we're cold?!).

In May we did two competitions with Act 1, the North Shore Open and Spotlight On Theatrical Skating. We won both! Perks of being the only senior team in the area, haha! Seriously though, these competitions were a great way for us to get feedback that was especially useful to us with such a new freeskate. Experience skating outside of practice in any venue is always helpful!

Another exciting May highlight was wedding dress shopping with my best friend!

In June I focused a lot on getting outside, spending more time with my family, and going out with friends more often. The pace was a little slower...for the first two weeks, anyways! After that, everything got busy with Nationals!

The 2016 National Theater on Ice Competition was incredible! I loved the experience of competing on a senior team verses a junior team, but there were so many good programs from all levels. Honestly, some of my favorite events were Special Olympics and Preliminary! We placed fourth, coming home with a pewter medal. While this is not the placement we were hoping for, I personally was very proud of our team. We went up against a lot this year, and I love how adaptable and hard working and open minded we were this season.

In July I came home, but not before spending the 4th in Nashville with my mom! I loved how local Nashville felt, it seemed almost small-town for such a big city. I would love to go back at some point.

A few days after coming home, my grandmother on my dad's side passed away from brain cancer. We knew it was coming, but were (of course) still hoping for more time with her. In a way, it was almost comforting to know she was no longer in pain. The cancer really changed her, and at the end she was not even recognizeable as herself. I will always really hate, though, that my last memories of her are so pained. We moved my grandfather in with my aunt, and thankfully, that is going very well.

In August we tried to hold on to the last lazy summer days, but to be honest, I was getting itchy for the 'new' year and regular schedules and skating to start back up. I coached my own private student who I met through group lessons and stuck with me through the summer, and focused on my own skating lessons. I also went to two workshops for American Ice Theater of Boston, and started working on putting together a Showcase program.

The most exciting thing about August, though, was my best friend's wedding! Deanna and I have been friends for about 10 years, and being a part of her wedding was such a joy! Having been by each other's sides through first boyfriends, and school, and first jobs, and then her starting to talk to Jake (her husband) at Teen Conference, and then dating, and their engagement, it was just an honor to be by her side at her wedding. It's not everyday you get two great friends in one couple!

And In September...most of the rest of the calendar year is up in the air, as it's currently unclear what coaching will look like and I'm waiting to be pointed in the right direction in terms of day job. I'm putting most of my focus right now into creating a showcase program to compete with this year, which is all new to me and really exciting. I'm also going to take my Intermediate Freeskate test this fall, so a lot of prep is going into making that test ready.

After auditions with TOI of Boston, I was placed on Act 1, their senior-level team, again. I am so, so grateful to skate with this amazing group again and am really looking forward to this season. We started choreographing last weekend, and I came away so pumped up and ready for more!

I have to admit, this was an extremely busy summer! But thankfully, it was busy because we had far more blessings and opportunities than negatives. While it's crazy that it's already September, I am looking forward to the fall schedule and settling in, not to mention fair season and fall leaves and hot coffee.

So how has your summer been? And what's your September going to be like?

Thanks for reading! xoxo

A Year In

Hey guys. Took me a million years, but I'm back.

This time last year, I was embarking on my first post-high school year. My first year as a 'real adult'. I know. Cue laughter.

Looking back on my senior year of high school, I remember how restless I was. It was like I spent the whole year feeling anxious and fidgeting. I worked a lot, and skated a lot, and dated a lot, but I had a really hard time feeling sure or stable. I do feel like I did more growing that year than almost any other, so maybe that's a part of it, but at the time it just felt like I couldn't get my feet under me.

But the restlessness of my senior year left me even more ready to move on. I came with a lot of ideas but no sure things. A year in, I have mixed feelings about how well I used this year. Part of me feels like I did a lot of running for not a lot of progress or hard results, but I also realize that I learned and grew a lot this year, and am now in such a better place to build a happy, successful, complete life.

Here's what I learned, about myself and life and work, this year.

Not going to college was the perfect decision for me. I've never really been pulled by the whole college experience/lifestyle, and I'm so happy that I didn't push myself into it based on what my peers were doing. I'm sure further education will have a role in my life at some point, but definitely not in the traditional sense. Being in the same place for four years continues to be extremely uninspiring to me, so I'm happy I listened to that.

No matter how much I work, not working will always be more stressful. I feel like I wasn't even home this year, just jumping between work and skating! I pulled some really long hours/days/weeks this year, but no matter how stressful those were, I was always unhappier and more anxious on the days/weeks when I wasn't working. Work, and progress, and moving forward keep me centered and content and help me feel in control. If I suddenly have downtime, or start to get comfortable, I immediately stress out.

Personality can open just as many doors as skill level. I worry about not being 'good enough' to go after things. But I've realized that, to get you started and open the door, our attitudes and personalities have as much to do with it as our skill level. Many people will be understanding of the fact that you're 19 and maybe don't know a lot. But they'll still be impressed if you're excited, hard working, make the first move, show up on time, prepare, and don't need to be micro-managed every second to stay productive.

Our society is screwing 20 year-olds, but you don't need to fall victim to it. I'll be 20 in December. Our society thinks that at 20, you shouldn't have to be supporting yourself. Shouldn't be thinking about marriage. Shouldn't be getting up early on Saturday mornings and sometimes, even declaring a major. But we are adults, and that's all lies. Be responsible for yourself and make good decisions, because the same people who are telling you 'not to worry about it' now, will think you're a joke when you turn 26 and haven't accomplished anything.

Money is great, but make sure it's not the only reason you're there. I'm all for being financially independent and doing what you need to do, but a job is more than a paycheck. It's where we spend most of our time, interact with people, and contribute to the world. We work because we need the money, yes, but we also need to create something, help someone, learn a skill, or at the very least, be shown we're appreciated. So whether you're an architect or a dancer or a cashier, don't put up with a toxic work environment, a stagnant career, or utter boredom.

You need friends, and walks, and stupid sitcoms, and books, and haircuts. A huge lesson from this year is learning that working for the paycheck and grinding for your dreams is fantastic, but it is not all there is to life. No matter how driven we are, we need to make time for relaxation and fun and joy. I started to cut these 'extras' because they weren't necessary. But being joyful is necessary, so now know that I need to be more diligent about making time for them on the regular.

Overall, I'm happy with who I became this year. I feel so much more level-headed, and clear on what my priorities for my life are. With September right around the corner, I'm confident in the fact that this Sophomore year of life will be filled with grit and work and hopefully, satisfaction.

Thanks for reading! xoxo

PS-Can you believe my last post was in April, guys? This summer was full, so an unintended (but, apparently, needed) break was in order. I don't know exactly what blogging will look like this year, but I am hoping that there's more of it. Thanks for sticking around!

PPS-2015 Was Quite A Year, and 2016 Will Be Quite A Year.