A Wedding!!

I am not going to lie: the past few days have been a bit shitty. Actually, just very shitty. Not in a bad day way, but more so in a heart-breaking, sad way. I feel lost. We got a pretty brutal response to some wedding related things, related to the fact that we live together. I feel stupid, and naïve. I feel misunderstood, and unseen. I feel like I've misunderstood, and failed to see clearly. But mostly? I feel sad. Like my dear friend said during a tear-streaked phone call the other night, "you're on the precipice of something." That feels very, very true. I'm just not excited about it. The hard changes and conversations coming are things I actively did not want now. But here we are! And the only way is through. This is life I guess. 

I would love to talk about this in more detail, and I will. Someday. In my frantic googling to find some voices to lean into, I've discovered that there is not enough conversation about stuff like this. I don't have the heart for that conversation today though. So instead, fun stuff! In the classic cyclical nature of life, THERE IS STILL SO MUCH GOOD, ALWAYS. And the good I am leaning into today is that there! is! a! wedding! to! plan!! Incredible. I am so excited for a wedding. 

I thought it would be fun to do a little brain dump of everything I'm thinking, wedding wise:

When

October of 2022! Official date TBD. I am thinking early, early October. We just need to pick venues. 

Where

Chris and I's entire relationship has been centered around where we currently live in Portsmouth, NH. Our first date was downtown! So many dates after were downtown! We've met friends here, quarantined here, had our first apartment together. So even though Portsmouth is pricey, we want the wedding to be here. 

In terms of the actual venue...we don't know? We're looking at a very cute little chapel for the ceremony this weekend. And then there's a historic home down the street, that I would love to see if we could rent the lawn of for the reception. So we'll see. Octobers outdoors are also a little chilly? So it may be better to get inside. 

Bridal Party

Chris knows exactly who is bridal party will be. I mostly know mine. Once I officially decide, we will ask everyone. In stalking OG Elise Joy archives recently, I stumbled across her cute bridal party "invites". I love this idea, especially to officially lay out some of the plans and expectations, and it's such a cute way to connect the people that don't know each other together. 

Chris wants five groomsmen, and my list is looking like I will also have five in the bridal party. So then the question is, do we attempt to make them exactly even? Does one cut/add people to make them even? When have you crossed the line into adding so many friends to the bridal party, that you have no friends as guests haha?

Clothing wise I want to be really chill. I'm planning to ask all the bridesmaids/MOH to to pick a floral printed dress that they love for the ceremony. Mismatch, dark floral prints seems so fun! And then I'm thinking the groomsmen will have dark printed floral ties? Or maybe just different shades of darker vibrant colors?

Food

I want mulled wine. And comforting, good food---not gross typical wedding food. But most importantly, I want a DESSERT TABLE!! A whole spread with pies, different cakes, little cookies, tarts....a whole spread. And I want to make our "main" wedding cake, that we slice. I don't know why, but somehow I know for sure that's what I want to be doing the day before the wedding. 

Colors

For colors I am picturing vibrant, rich earth tones with gold. Lots of greens, navy blues, golden yellows, some cranberry reds. 

Dress

I know I want to feel like me. Nothing too fluffy, something a little timeless, a little glam, but also very comfortable and chill. And killer shoes, and great, big earrings. I'm not sure if I want a veil or not, but I'm leaning towards no. 

I'm also not opposed to an ankle length dress. That's actually what I'm leaning towards...long but not too long? I definitely don't think I want a train. 

The rhythm of the day:

We would love a late afternoon ceremony on either a Friday or Saturday night. We'd follow with a fun reception, hopefully out doors, that doesn't go too late. And then whoever wants to would go out downtown! And we spend the rest of the night out on the town in Portsmouth. Maybe we'd make a reservation for the first place? But then moving forwards, we're just out!

There is so, so much more. We need a photographer! And engagement photos! And approximately 1000 other things. I have been so excited to be married since we got engaged. But a light switch finally clicked, and now I feel so excited to actually plan a wedding.