Saturday, February 28, 2015

:: february 2015 ::

5 Epic Things That Happened This Month:

+Had a truly awesome Saturday getting coffee and chatting with Dia, then going to see our brothers in Guys and Dolls together! Oh and we had pizza. So the day was basically perfect. 

+Had a 'soft' critique with my theater on ice team, as prep for our 'hard' critique coming up this month!

+Wrote some of the longest journal entries of my life. I'm talking 5+ pages in my impossible-to-read cursive. I think I'm just going to make an official statement that brain dumping is my love language. 

+Got a second job lined up that will hopefully grown and expand, and got offered a new position at my regular job, which I had to turn down (cuz of timing), but was exciting to be offered, nonetheless. 

+Ate some ridiculously good doughnuts. Also, those Cadburry mini eggs are back!!

Goals for Next Month:

+Stay focused! I've got lots of writing projects, school and otherwise, that need to happen this month. A literature essay, a psychology research paper, and a speech for 4-H. Plus I want to really hustle with my other school stuff and keep blogging. Busy busy!

+Do some much-needed shopping. It seems silly to write it as a goal, but I've been putting this off since Christmas. 

+Push myself in each skating practice, learn my new routine, do more yoga, and go to Vermont Theater on Ice Festival (!!!).

+Be aware of my attitude, and work on approaching life with more kindness and hustle and positivity.

On the Blog:

Recommended Reads:

+15 Things All BA, Fearless Alpha Women Do Differently. A motivating read that will have you doing the Wonder Woman pose all. day. long.

+2015 US Nationals Joshua Farris Short Program. I didn't get to watch any of the men's skates during Nationals, so I was going back and watching some favorites on Youtube. Let's just say I'm in love with this program and have watched it, like, five times.

+The Nectar Collective. I just discovered this blog and have been obsessively stalking the archives. Some favorites: 15 Tips for a Happier Year, How To Develop Your Own Unique Blogging Voice, and How To Get Sh!t Done Even When You're Totally Unmotivated (my life, right?). (ALSO I'm linking up other there to share goals on Weekly Wishes...check it out!)

+16personalities. I had to do a personality type quiz for my psych class, so I took this one from 16personalities. I'm obsessed. It's basically a combination of Jung and Myers-Briggs theories, with some of their own stuff thrown in. It's only a 12-minute test and the description was scarily accurate (for me, anyways). I'm an INFJ, and reading through all the info was so enlightening!!

+From moi: Heroines Aren't Guaranteed A Hero, 25 Ways To Be (a little more) Fabulous, and Pride and Prejudice.

Hope your February was joyful and loving!
Let's make March totally kick-butt, okay?
Happy Weekend! xoxo

PS-I don't particularly like this outfit. I'm not sure if it's the not-quite perfect sweater fit, or the exposed tank top, or the slouch boots that are slouching too much....but I'm just not sure. I like this in theory but not in real life. Le sigh. 

headband // walmart, cardigan & belt // thrifted, tank and jeans // jc penny, boots // hand-me-down.

You Know All Those Things You've Always Wanted To Do?

{pin it!}
So far, 2015 has already been full of ups and downs.

And coming out of February, I've honestly been feeling a little stuck. I feel far away from what I want to do and the type of person I want to be. Sometimes, I just feel so blocked--like the hamster wheel of daily life keeps me from accomplishing anything of meaning.

I find myself waiting a lot. Looking forward to summer, to the weekend, to that far-off day when I'm a put together person and can get everything done seamlessly.

But, the time is now. This life is not eternity. We have one shot.

I'm good at envisioning the life I want. I can visualize a daily routine, make plans, and list goals like nobody's business. But I often get so caught up in details that I loose sight of the big picture, and forget to start at all.

If I want to be a positive, caring, kick-butt girl....then I need to channel that attitude today.

If I want to be the dedicated, artistic, strong athlete...then I better put in the ice time. And do some yoga.

If I want to be the smarty who's on track with homework...then I better sit myself down and start working on it.

And if I want to be the adventurous girl surrounded by incredible, energizing people....then I better make sure I'm caring for relationships and being open to new ones.

Today is the day to go to a yoga class. Apply to an Ivy-League. Open your Etsy shop. Text your crush. Try that new coffee shop. Eat a doughnut. You know those all those things you've always wanted to do? Well, you should go do them.

Happy Weekend! xoxo

Saturday, February 21, 2015

I'm Just Overthinking About Songs and Movies and Pixar Shorts

I have the tendency to find a little thing (usually ages after everyone else has discovered it).

And that little thing will remind me of lots of other little things.

And the little things make me think of bigger things. Deep things.

And then I find that the little things reveal major life truths about the big things.

And maybe, that's why we have the little things. 'Cause it's the only way we'll understand the big things.

Or, I could just be crazy, and the little things are just little things, and I'm over-thinking, as usual.

But it still happens.

I've been listening to Bad Day by Daniel Powter on repeat for the last two weeks.

I love everything about it. In a round-about way, it reminds me of the Pixar short The Paperman.

And in a more round-about way, it reminds me of You've Got Mail. Specifically this scene and this scene.

And it's these little things that put into words a lot of what I want, and what I believe, and how the world works. Things I couldn't really express without a lyric/short/romantic comedy to help me out.

I think it's easy to fall into the "I hate people" trap. I know it's me and Deanna's favorite saying. But, I think what I mean is that I hate the fakers. The people who are rude, and thoughtless. The lazy people. The cliches. The boring people, who refuse to be their own selves and therefore refuse to be interesting.

Because I really do love people. I love it when people are unapologetically themselves. I love it when people are tough, and pushing their limits, and so busy working hard and creating awesome lives that they don't even realize how cool they are.

I love it when people allow themselves to feel things, because I think that's one of the biggest problems of our era--we allow ourselves to get worked up over the little things, and numb the big things. We're either rushing, or wasting our lives being lazy. Noticing someone's smudged makeup, but not noticing they're upset. Why can't we get it right? Why can't we hustle and make time to just sit and talk? Why can't see the important little things, and be blind to the unimportant little things?

I think it's easy to look like we're functioning. To keep moving and crossing off tasks. Like the people in the Bad Day music video, we're fine--but, something's missing. It doesn't even have to be a someone. We're just off.

This, honestly, is what I'm thinking during that song/short/movie.

I'm thinking that even when we're on the right path, we'll still have our doubts and insecurities. I'm thinking that having hope, and faith, is the only way to live. And that we must always be looking around us, even if we don't like what we see.

I'm thinking that having core values, topped with passion, and a bit of spontaneity, is the best way to live.

That even when we're really happy, we might be a little bit sad.

That the smallest interactions, the 'nothings', can often be more important than the 'somethings'.

And I'm thinking that being completely yourself is the most important thing. That soulmates are real. And that love and loyalty are my favorite emotions.

Happy Saturday! xoxo

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Random Stuff I Love

Because Valentines Day. You're Welcome.

Freshly painted nails. Wearing purple right now.
You've Got Mail. This nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.
Rockabilly clothes. Because I haven't talked about my awesome new high-waisted jeans enough. Have I mentioned my new high-waisted jeans? They're awesome.
Meg from Hercules. That dress, that ponytail, that sass. And her fabulously swingy hips. I want to be her when I grow up.

Chobani yogurt. Peach with Pistachio and Chocolate granola. Trust me.
Journaling. AKA brain dumping.
French Vanilla Coffee. Aaaall Daaaayyy Looonnggg
Bad Day by Daniel Pewter. Listening to it on repeat, basically, and the video is just awesome.
Mohawk braids. I must learn how.

Old friends who I've literally grown up with.
Sisters because blood doesn't dictate family.
New friends because I stink at making them but when you find one, it's epic.
Adult friends because they're extremely undervalued and I love them.
My brother cuz most of the time he's actually pretty rad. Most of the time.

Happy Valentines Day! xoxo

Monday, February 9, 2015

Heroines Aren't Guaranteed A Hero

Being a heroine is something I talk about a lot on this blog.

Mainly, I guess, because it's something I'm never not thinking about for my own life.

I want to do big things. I want to be in touch with passion, and honesty, and emotion. I want to make art. And travel. And work hard. And play hard. I want to be creative with my life, do things outside the box, and touch the people around me. 

I want to overcome blocks in the road with positivity, strength, and a quick wit. I want to be the heroine of my life story, not the victim. 

But sometimes I fall off the bandwagon. I stop all those action steps, all the quirky life mantras, and all those Wonder Woman poses. I stop believing I'm capable of being the heroine, because there's something I'm so obviously missing: a hero. 

My hero. 

Tall. Funny. Strong. Smart. Hard working. Kind. A true gent. The bad-boy-but-good-man type, perhaps. Someone sweet. Someone who just wants to be with me. And root for me. And have my back.

I'm not looking for a prince (honestly, I'm not into guys that dress better 'n I do). I've never been into the whole 'fairy-tale' thing. Not for my life, anyways. No, I'm looking for a hero. He doesn't have to have it all figured out. He doesn't even have to pretend he does. Cuz isn't that what heroes and heroines do? Figure it out together, by the seat of their pants, and somehow manage to save the day?

Before every feminazi on the internet starts throwing things at me, let me shoot in this disclaimer: I'm in no way saying you need a man. I'm in no way saying I'm less, or you're less, or anyone's less, if they don't have a guy in their life. I'm saying the opposite, actually. From what I've seen and felt, nothing's more draining than being with someone who isn't your hero. It's really, really hard--and I'm not gonna say impossible, but it's probably pretty close--to be the heroine of your life while you've got an antihero dragging you down.

You don't need a hero to be a heroine. Having a hero doesn't make you a heroine. But here's something we haven't talked about before: being a heroine doesn't guarantee you a hero.

That might be a surprise.

It was to me, anyways.

But isn't that what we're always told? 

"Just be you, guys will like you for YOU"

"To get someone interested, you have to be interesting"

Or even just the well meant, "I bet your parents have to lock you up to keep the boys away." 

It's that expectation that the successful, ambitious, pretty, fun, smart, and kind girls are the ones guys go after. That once you hit heroine status, the heroes notice and start lining up. 

But--and every idealistic Pinterest person is gonna hate me for this--that doesn't always appear to be the case. 

I know a lot of incredibly epic young women I'd call heroines. Girls that are quirky and smart and hard working and dreamers and gorgeous, on top of it all. They're the Lizzie's and the Charlotte's of the world. 

I also know a lot of obnoxious girls, who can most accurately be described as basic. Or cookie-cutter, if I'm being kind. They're the Lydia's, Kitty's, and Caroline Bingley's.*

But they're always the ones with the boyfriends. I tried to think of a more poetic way to say it, but it really just comes down to that. And I don't want to be like them. I'm proud of who I am and where I'm going. I don't envy them, but I'm jealous of them (cuz those are totally different things, right?). Why can't I have the slow dance at prom? Why can't I have someone constantly texting me? Why can't I have someone pick me up after work? Why can't I be the one with weekend plans? Why you? Why not me?

I'm supposed to wrap this up and say something encouraging. In fact, I shouldn't have even written that paragraph. It's far too whiny. I should have ended it with a shiny 'trust God's timing**' and then started talking about cupcakes. But here's the thing: today, just know you're not alone. You're not the only one who counts the ways you're 'better' than the girl with the cute new boyfriend. Or questions why you enjoy closing on Saturday nights, only to realize it's because the 'smart' girls are working while all the 'dumb' ones are out having lives. 

And maybe, we need to hear less of the "there's plenty of fish in the sea! You'll find The One eventually!" and more, "sometimes boys are stupid***. And all you can do, is do your own thing, because worrying doesn't help."

Promise me this: when the loneliness of chronic singleness starts to get you down, or another boy has proved 'they're all the same', wipe your eyes and put your head up. Call up your bestie. Sing Bad Day. And believe, for once, that you're truly kick butt. Believe it so much that every person that sees you, believes it, too. Cuz you are.

I promise, you really, really are.

Happy Monday! xoxo

*Referencing Pride and Prejudice, in case anyone was confused.

**You can trust God's timing, while still aching for something. You can believe God has something great planned for you, while still wanting it to happen NOW.

***If you're a guy reading this, and you take issue with that, don't leave an angry comment. Prove me wrong.